Cancer Archives - Page 2 of 2

Charlie is 5 & a half. Life is all about school, Star Wars, eating sweets and playing silly games. But sadly, grief is now part of his life.

My Mom passed away at the end of April, 9 months after being diagnosed with cancer. She has left a huge gaping hole slap bang in the middle of all our lives. I have struggled to come to terms with her passing away. I still don’t feel it’s real and that this cannot have happened in such a short space of time. But I’m an adult. I know that this can happen out of the blue and unfortunately this is part of life. But how on earth does a child deal with it and process it through their innocent little heads?

Charlie has been the absolute apple of my Mom’s eye. He was the first Grandchild and after she herself had two daughters the thought of a little boy was just perfect.

She saw him pretty much every single day from when he was born. When I returned to work when he was 1, she then looked after him Monday to Friday. If I had a week off work and didn’t go round to see her she would often say how much she missed him. She would take him to all baby groups that I’d attended on maternity leave – how wonderful is that? He really was the light of her life and he felt the same. He would often make things at school for Granny or want to show her things he’s done and learnt at nursery and school. After nursery he would always ask to go to Granny’s. They were inseparable. A wonderful close bond.

Sadly when Mom was diagnosed (even more cruelly, just 3 weeks after giving birth to my twin daughters) the kids were the first thought that went through our minds. Where on earth do you start with a then 4 & a half year old who thinks the worst thing that can happen in the world is running out of ice cream?

The fantastic people at Macmillan sent me a booklet on how to explain cancer to a child. I never got round to having that conversation with him. I struggled to accept cancer myself and somehow felt if I didn’t talk about it – it couldn’t be real.

He knew that Granny was ‘ill’. She had problems with her knees after being diagnosed so she was struggling to get about. That’s what he was associating with Granny being ill – that she couldn’t get up and play with him.

However when she died, we realised we couldn’t beat around the bush with telling Charlie. It was a horrible thing to ever ever have to do and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone – but, we told him the truth. My Dad & I sat down and had to tell Charlie as blunt and harsh as it sounds, that Granny had died. Not that she has fallen asleep, or gone to a better place; she had died. I didn’t want him to read into softer phrases and think that she may wake up or where was this better place and could we go. Dealing with our own crushing grief having to do this pushes home how evil cancer truly is.

Charlie didn’t say much. And hasn’t really said much.

He sometimes slips out in conversation that he misses her and when certain things come on the TV or a book they read together he will mention her. But I don’t know. Is this normal? He spent so much time with her yet seems to have just taken it on the chin. I think that me being on maternity leave and him knowing Granny couldn’t play had altered his everyday life and somehow had helped him accept it.

As a parent you want to shield and protect your children from the harsh reality of the world. I was 9 when my grandad passed away. I have to admit I wasn’t really close to them but I remember feeling incredibly sad that because my Dad was so upset.

Will he ever open up about the whole experience or is he still too young really to understand the whole impact of it all? The fact she won’t be there at his birthday parties, she won’t be there every Christmas, when he goes to big school she won’t be there to wave him off, nor will he ever get to drive her down to get her shopping when he learns to drive which they always joked about.

For me these are the things that break my heart. Knowing the future is empty without her – but for Charlie I doubt he can foresee next week let alone the next decade of him life.

Has anyone got any experience of bereavement in children? I just want to know he’s going to be ok.

B x

If you would like to share your thoughts or experiences please contact me on [email protected]

Cancer. The word alone frightens most of us. It’s just six little letters. How can it be so utterly scary to read let alone say, but my god there’s few other words in the English language that can strike such fear into our hearts.

This word came properly into my life last July and sadly now has shaped the rest of my life. And even more heartbreakingly, my three young children’s lives.

Cancer. Just six little letters yet they have managed to turn my life completely on its head and do the unthinkable – take my Mom away. Forever.

Our cancer story did not have a happy ending. Nor will it give us a happy future but very very slowly my fanily and I are trying to come to terms with what cancer has done to us; like it has done to so many already and will do for years to come.

Today is World Lung Cancer Day – bet you had no idea did you? ( follow @kiss_lungcancer and get involved in their /redlipstickselfie day – text KISS76 to 70070 to kiss lung cancer goodbye) . The frightening part of lung cancer is that it is the biggest killer of women in the UK – yet do you know any of the symptoms? I didn’t. I had no clue.

You know all about breast cancer symptoms as the campaigns for breast cancer are glamorous – decorative bras, celebrities grabbing their boobs – but no one wants to talk about lung cancer. It’s a dirty disease and only dirty people who smoke get it. WRONG. If you have lungs you can get lung cancer. Simple as that.

Whilst breast cancer is the most common cancer in women in the UK, lung cancer comes in second place. However the survival rate between the two is shocking. Lung cancer is the biggest killer in women in the UK.

If you are diagnosed with lung cancer you have a 33% chance of surviving a year. JUST A YEAR. Even more heartbreakingly is there’s a 9.3% chance you will live for 5 years. This is compared to breast cancer survival rates – 95.8% of women will live for a year after diagnosis and 85.1% will live for 5 years. Please read this again

One Year:

Lung cancer – 33%

Breast cancer – 95.8%

Five years:

Lung cancer – 9.3%

Breast cancer – 85.1%

How frighteningly bleak. (Statistics from www.cancerresearchuk.org ) But admit it – you hear lung cancer, you immediately think smoking thus justifying a death. Again, if you have lungs – you can get lung cancer.

We can no longer be scared to talk about this taboo disease. More than 1 in 3 of us will have some form of cancer in our lives. With over 200 cancers we need to be aware, vigilant and TALK ABOUT IT. I know it’s not a topic anyone wants to think, let alone talk about, but I find it cathartic to write and read other stories – many with happier endings. I am going to open my blog to other people with a story to tell. A voice for people affected by this evil word. An outlet to share the roller coaster of emotions. There will be tears. There will be heartbreak. But there will be hope. Hope that one day that cancer will be a distant dream and no family will be robbed of their previous loved ones.

My Mom – I love and miss you beyond belief, now and forever.

B x