Today like many other parents, I woke with a sense of excitement and worry all mixed today then just slop in a big old dollop of nostalgia – yep, you guessed right, it is school admissions day.
The last few years I have watched these days unfold on social media and share in happiness as friends got allocated their top choices, and worry with friends who’ve had to appeal. It just didn’t seem possible that this day would come for us. Yet it has. Far too quickly.
I’ve done this process before. I’ve experienced first uniform shopping trips, picking out the all important lunch bag and held back the tears as your baby walks into class for the first time. But I knew I’d do it all again. I had two tiny three month old babies in my pushchair as I waved off their big brother. My life was manic and occupied. This time around, I will be waving them off and walking away – alone.
My babies are off to school.
The selfish part of me doesn’t want them to go. They aren’t 4 for another few months so they seem even smaller. Charlie is a December baby so had five terms at nursery, the girls only get three. I never returned to work after having them. I have been with them from day dot and my little gang is about to leave me behind. My house is going to be so empty. I am going to be lost.
It seems so much harder when your last baby goes to school. Having two seems even more of a wrench as it’s been such a whirlwind – to go from that to nothing seems somewhat devastating.
But this isn’t about me. They are SO ready for school. I think they’d happily go now without a care in the world. I am so excited for them to start their journey but I can’t stop thinking about how these past years have flown by. Their first year was overshadowed by my Mom’s illness and I can’t help but think I’ve wasted so much of our time together. Time we will never get back.
They are my last children. I have shut up shop and our family is complete. We are so lucky to have three healthy children, I know just how lucky we are. But it doesn’t stop it being hard. This chapter is about to end and all the nostalgia comes flooding back. But that is me. It’s time to man up and realise that the years really are short and to treasure it.