With a husband working away during the week and family and friends who work full time it’s rare that I am ever alone. Two year old twins mean that I always have a little companion by my side when my eldest is at school. If ever I get “child free” time it is when I have something in particular to do or go to, I never just have free solo time.
On Friday, I answered my own question of should my two year olds be at nursery and they had their first session. The first time in their two years and nine month long lives that they had been with someone other than close family. They are only going on a Friday morning for three hours and this is going to sound ridiculous but I was lost.
I wandered aimlessly around town trying to find something to do so the clock ticked down but I was completely bored. I came home and watched some trash tv on catch up and tidied the house but what struck me most? The silence.
There are days where this is all I crave; peace and quiet. The ability to do what I want when I want. The freedom to go anywhere I want with just myself to please. Park anywhere not worrying about being able to open both doors with ease! But turns out? The grass is that little bit greener. That hot cup of tea really isn’t all that amazing and time to go shopping in a small town with nothing to buy – no. Not all that great!
I know I will come to appreciate the time alone and be more productive but for me it made me realise how I am on the cusp of being left behind. That sounds selfish and petty but my babies are not just that – they are girls who in eighteen months will be in the full time education system making their steps in the world.
To go from such a whirlwind of crazy days with twins to a big empty house seems somewhat daunting. What will I do with six hours everyday?! My little crew is slowly outgrowing me and I feel a bit sad.
The grand plan would have been to have been pregnant now. Probably about to announce I was 12 weeks with my third baby due in September as baby two was starting nursery but baby two brought bonus baby three with her! It all feels a bit soon. They should still be my little dollies but instead I’m standing at a very quiet front door wondering where this time has slipped away to?
Time alone now is going to become an ordinary moment but for the next few weeks it’s going to be anything but that!