Potty Training – The Truth

We are a week in and I’ve survived, just about. My house stinks, I’ve bleached the hell out of numerous potties, gone through about 50 packets of wipes and toilet rolls and lost count of the times I’ve steam mopped the floors but we are getting there. Slowly but surely.

Potty training and chicken pox are my parenting  arch nemesis’s. Give me sleepless nights, stinky nappies and teething any day – pots and pox send shivers down my spine. But with the girls third birthday rapidly approaching I decided it was about time we got the ball rolling.

Charlie was easy as pie to potty train. He was sorted within a week and nights quickly followed – simple, magic touch eh? WRONG. How very very wrong.

In the space of seven days here is my summary so far:

  • Two year olds wee A LOT. Don’t be fooled by absorbent nappies, kids pee for England. Give them a cup of squash and you’ll be leaping up like a crazed woman every 48 seconds to catch the never ending river of wee.
  • You can derobe and stick a child on a nearby potty in approximately 2.5 seconds no matter where in the house you are. Ninja skills are well and truly on high alert around toileting.
  • You need candles/air freshener/perfume. Prepare for your house to permeate “eau de piss” which will waft under any poor sods nostrils who dare to darken your door during this difficult period. Believe me, you can mop the hell out of any areas that have become puddles but it lingers.
  • Prepare to ask your kids on average three times every minute of every day “do you need a wee wee?” Thus driving yourself INSANE. Oh and no matter how many times you ask – they still will probably wet themselves just as you finish your sentence.
  • Even if you’ve potty trained before don’t think that will help you. Yes my previous experience counts for jack when twins are involved. There will pretty much be constant potty action from the second you wake up with one hovering.
  • Once they figure out they can use toilet roll prepare to become bankrupt. Toilet roll previously was a GREAT thing to play with but they were told “only  when you go on the big toilet” and now they are? Free for feckin all! Even the bleeding Andrex puppy would be disgusted at the amount of bog roll we are getting through with phantom wees that are definitely not just to get their hands on glorious toilet paper…
  • My hair is a shade greyer than it was a week ago.
  • Your washing machine goes into overdrive as it turns out 20 pairs of knickers aren’t enough for twins…Sigh.
  • You think sh*tty nappies are bad? Try scrubbing a potty clean post humongous dump (seriously how does such a monster come out of someone so small?!) without heaving. I dare you.

So all in all – lots of festive Easter fun! I am slowly losing the plot but we are making progress. And no one has yet pooed on my floor which I see as a small victory. I’m off for a gin and a cry before waking up to do it ALL again tomorrow. Well, they don’t say you’re going “potty” for nothing…

B xx

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  1. 31st March 2016 / 10:03 pm

    Ha ha! Oh honey, you are amazing. Little Miss H will be three in May and baby boy is due in July. I know that I should potty train but the thought terrifies me. And I must say that this doesn’t make me feel any better. Ugh! Can’t my child stay in nappies forever. Hugs Lucy xxxx

  2. 1st April 2016 / 6:51 am

    Well this will be me next! I didn’t really have this with Sam as I left him so long he kind of got it by the time he was out of nappies! Flo however is already taking her nappy off and declaring she doesn’t need it, but she clearly does!!! Good luck! X

  3. 1st April 2016 / 7:29 am

    Oh I remember the joys of this with Jessica – trying to potty train two at once must be so much harder. And scrubbing poo out of a potty is so much worse than changing a pooey nappy. I’m probably going to be doing this again come the summer too. Hope that your girls get the hang of it all very soon!

  4. 1st April 2016 / 8:01 am

    Oh no!! I left training my son until just after he turned three and to be honest, it was fine as he got it really quickly and went straight for the toilet so no cleaning out the potty. My daughter was harder and I was heavily pregnant training her so mopping up wee after wee brings back memories that make me shudder! My son also wears joggers which soak up the wee well so it doesn’t hit the floor – try that! Best of luck, hope the girls get there soon x Thanks for sharing with #WotW

  5. 1st April 2016 / 11:26 am

    Oh no lovely what a mess for you!! I feel kind of like you may want to punch me as my daughter has never wet herself or pooed herself but she still refuses to poo in the potty and asks for a nappy. Then asks for it to be changed! We will get there and so will you! Hope the hair isn’t too grey!! Xx #wotw

  6. 1st April 2016 / 2:30 pm

    Oh can’t wait wait for this.the countdown is on with potty training starting in 2 weeks

  7. 1st April 2016 / 7:24 pm

    Oh my goodness….Sorry this did make me chuckle.
    I don’t miss potty training at all and I only had one at a time to do.
    Hang on in there!

  8. 1st April 2016 / 10:58 pm

    I’m laughing… because it’s all so TRUE! We too are potty training. Dear LORD!!! It’s hard work innit?!

  9. 2nd April 2016 / 7:54 am

    Oh *hugs* I really feel your pain. Fingers crossed the girlies get the hang of it really quickly, and start using the toilet really soon so that you don’t have to clean those potties out again. I hated cleaning out Holly’s potty it was indeed gag material. Xx #WotW

  10. 2nd April 2016 / 2:27 pm

    I potty train my son when he is 2 but its not working so I waited some more. We are more successful on the second try!

    Not cleaning the floor from poo is really a sign of success in my book! Hang in there!


  11. 2nd April 2016 / 5:09 pm

    Hi Beth, this did make me laugh and I am so glad my potty training days are over. I was quite lucky when I taught our two, as in the summer we don’t have carpets down and it gets so hot that the children were pretty much naked most of the time when at home, so if there was an accident it was easy to clean up.

    I do remember my daughter not wanting to use the potty and just wanting to go straight to using the toilet, which suited us fine (we did have to get a child sized seat so she didn’t disappear into the bowl!).

    I hope that it’s not too long before your little one is toilet trained. Until then took up on the gin.


  12. Karen
    3rd April 2016 / 1:29 pm

    It’s all good fun isn’t it.. we got Madam sorted pretty quickly to be fair to her, once we got started. She’s nearly nine and still not above having accidents..but that’s her. I’m sure once your two are sorted they will be fine 🙂