Being Me – The Ordinary Moments

Friday was the girls second nursery session. We had more tears from P1 but in all honesty I think I dragged it out saying goodbye to them instead of leaving them to go off and play. P2 looked embarrassed by her crying which is how I thought it’d be all along but they were both absolutely fine and she quickly calms down once I’ve left.

As we had my cousins wedding to attend on Saturday, I had booked to have my nails done and eyebrows waxed a few months back before I’d put the girls in nursery so when the mobile beautician came we went and sat in the kitchen at the table like adults! I’ve had the same lady come and do my eyebrows at home for the past four years and never once have I ever had a child free house.


As we were chatting, I realised I last had my nails done in June – nine months previous. Before having the girls, I used to get my nails done every few weeks. Nails were my thing and shellac was my best buddy but with a son at nursery and a job that had flexitime I easily slotted it all in. But two babies is a whole new kettle of fish. At the start of the year, I made a vow to myself to do something about “myself” I was overweight and incredibly unhappy. I had let myself go so much and it really was getting me down. Since making this vow, I’ve joined Slimming World, started exercising and even had my hair cut which I am terrible at getting done.

My children are growing. Growing far too fast but I can’t stop this. Come September I’m going to be a little lost as my three hours on a Friday without them will become three hours every day. I’ve lost my identity; known as Charlie’s Mom or the one with the twins. I am most happiest with this title however I need to do something for me. I need to learn how to become me again. This post sounds a tad philosophical and that I’m “discovering myself with a rebirth” No. I just need to remember what it’s like to be just me. Not needed as much by little people and realise without feeling guilty that I can be a little self indulgent. I can have adult conversations again (oh shit!) and it’s ok to be a tiny bit vain.

I need to stop clinging on and realise they are growing and getting a little bit more independent – and that’s ok. I can’t hit the rewind or pause button no matter how hard I wish it. I need to enjoy time to myself – and probably get a hobby!

B xx

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8 Comments

  1. 20th March 2016 / 8:17 am

    I love this post and feel exactly the same. I think out Children become our comfort zone a little and being without them forces us to step out of it, it is scary. It sounds like you had a lovely little afternoon xxx

  2. 20th March 2016 / 2:52 pm

    I love this post, I’m recently going through similar feelings and it’s so good to feel like both mum and yourself. Xx

  3. 20th March 2016 / 3:37 pm

    I went through a stage of not really knowing who I am and forgetting things that I used to do, simple things like frequent haircuts and shopping. It’s starting to come back but it is really important to remember we were people before children isn’t it? x

  4. 20th March 2016 / 4:51 pm

    It is so hard lovely, I feel the same, I am so used to being pregnant or having young babies, or when I see friends talking about babies that I have sort of forgotten who I am as well. Hopefully, however sentimental and sad it is, come September you will learn to find things that make you happy again- whether thats cooking, reading, exercise, getting your nails done or whatever. And your point about the nails made me laugh, that was my one weakness before having the girls, I always had my nails done. Now I can’t even remember the last time I had them painted, even by me! xx

  5. 20th March 2016 / 7:25 pm

    I feel exactly like this right now. I can barely remember who I was before having Rosalie and I don’t know what I’d do if I suddenly had 3 hours every day without her! I am sure you’ll find some fabulous new hobby 🙂 But for now, enjoy those lovely nails xx

  6. 20th March 2016 / 8:56 pm

    We’ve still got a little while before we’re completely child free for a serious length of time, but even just Kitty starting school has made such an impact, and when Elma starts pre-school in September it’s going to be just H and Pip and I think they’ll find it a little lonely around the house! Enjoy your time and rediscovering yourself – pretty nails sound like a lovely way to start!

  7. 22nd March 2016 / 3:49 pm

    Love this! I felt totally lost once both kids were at school and I no longer spent my days off being mummy, I had to find something to do with my time that didn’t involve singing in a high pitched voice. Hey, that was 18 months ago and I still haven’t quite found myself again, although I do enjoy having the time to go and get my nails done. Nails used to be my thing too, until I realised big long talons and poop nappies were not a good combination. This year is the first time since Neil was a baby that I’ve actually gone to the salon to get my nails done, and I love it!

  8. 23rd March 2016 / 10:22 am

    I felt the same – still kind of do! I have 3 whole days to myself now and I found it very odd at first! I work a lot during those hours now but yesterday I went to get my hair done!! Your nails look lovely 🙂

    Jess xx