So What Happens Now?

“So what happens now?” I whisper desperately holding back tears that are threatening to fall from my stinging eyes.  My throat is dry and my heart is hurting. A question no one wants to ask nor do they want to answer – not in response to “there’s nothing else they can do”

Two years ago today was the start of half term. I had taken all three out to town and sat feeling smug in our favourite little cafe with my five year old and eight month old twins; I had made it out and was actually doing something other than an errand. 

“Text me when you get back”

A day of housework after our successful trip to town. Kids playing happily when my Dad and sister appear at the door. I hadn’t had a text, why hadn’t I had a text? Charlie is ushered upstairs as the world falls apart downstairs. 

I’m glad I never had a text. But I wish I hadn’t known what happened next. As what happened next still hurts like you wouldn’t know. Two years and just looking at the date on the calendar hurts. I really don’t think this new kind of normal is any cop. I just wish she was here with us now. So very very much. 

B xx

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  1. 17th February 2016 / 8:01 pm

    Thinking of you!
    Sending you the biggest of hugs xxxx

  2. 17th February 2016 / 8:19 pm

    Oh darling, Beth. You write so beautifully and I felt every word. I wish things had been different. Big hugs to you darling. Hugs Lucy xxxx

  3. 17th February 2016 / 8:27 pm

    Sending hugs Hun. I can’t imagine what it must have been like xx

  4. 18th February 2016 / 7:02 am

    Oh Beth, my lovely Beth. I wish everything had been different for you guys. Lobe you lots xoxo

  5. 18th February 2016 / 7:03 am

    Oh Beth, my lovely Beth. I wish everything had been different for you guys. Love you lots xoxo


  6. 18th February 2016 / 11:00 am

    I can’t even imagine Beth, such a heart felt post. Thinking about you x

  7. 18th February 2016 / 1:52 pm

    Oh lovely, it must be so hard. Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs xxx