7 New Year Statuses You Are BOUND To Read

The period between Christmas and New Year; everyone is still high off presents and turkey and it is that time where your Facebook and Twitter timelines are about to be rammed with the typical philosophical nonsense; reflecting on the year gone by and making big declarations for the forthcoming year. I’ve seen some creeping in already but after 8 years of Facebook you can pretty much guess who will write what.

Here are 7 statuses you are almost guaranteed to read in the next few days

 new year  

  1. “New year, new me” Time to crack out the gym membership as everyone is about to go from flab to fab. Expect plenty of fitness DVD cover shots on Instagram along with trainer feet snaps and red sweaty faces. Expect lots of these – probably until January 8th and then these motivational statuses and exercising pics cease and all mentions of fitness vanish into oblivion.  
  2. “I’m getting married/having a baby/going on holiday etc etc  THIS YEAR” It may be 339 days away but it’s still THIS YEAR. January is the prime time to commence any countdown and brag about what a life changing year is ahead.
  1. “What a brilliant / shit year” Yes usually if you have birthed a human, had some form of jewelled ring or you kids have left home you’ll be crowning 2015 the best year EVAHHH. However, if your dog pegged it, husband ran off with your best mate or you didn’t find that all important “winter boyfriend”2015 can go down as your annus horribilis. 
  2. “Where has this year gone?” Yes as we get older the concept of time is lost on us. It’s always been exactly the same and physically doesn’t go quicker, but somehow each year you find yourself saying “where is the time going” far more frequently. To the point where you genuinely think September is March. Sad times. 
  3. “Before I get too drunk and the phone network crashes just want to wish everyone a happy new year” Right lets get one thing straight – it’s almost 2016 – phone networks no longer crash OK?! No one wants a text at midnight. No one even wants a happy new year wish if we are honest – it won’t instantly mean 2016 is paved with glitter thanks to your three word text message. 
  4. “Don’t want to go back to work” Who does? Ps – you post this every Sunday. We get it. 
  5. “My New Years resolutions are…” …as with number 1, I give you a few weeks and your sober, super money saving, fag free January gets all too much and you’ll be puffing away, crying into a bottle of wine about how broke you are.


B xx

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  1. 28th December 2015 / 9:01 am

    Haha yes yes and yes! Although I also have the people who always post about having a cold and how poorly they are! Happy New Year to you! xxx

  2. 28th December 2015 / 9:21 am

    Ha ha ha this is brilliant!!! Soooo true. My personal bugbare being the phone network one a la 2000! 😉 Great post x

  3. 28th December 2015 / 9:25 am

    Hahaha – the Happy New texts! Chances are I have gone to bed before midnight because I am a parent of small children and too tired to stay up til midnight and besides, if I am staying in what is the point? So your “Happy New Year” text has probably just woken me up and therefore I won’t have started the new year “happy”

    Anyway, have a great 2016!

  4. Katy
    28th December 2015 / 9:38 am

    Hahaha Beth this is hilarious!! I’m scared to post anything now 😉 xx

  5. Emma Ellams
    29th December 2015 / 10:42 am

    Haha so very true! Could play a good game of status bingo with this!! 🙂

  6. 29th December 2015 / 7:58 pm

    Why are people so bloody stereotypical?! Great post hon. Happy New year (almost) xxx

  7. 1st January 2016 / 9:28 pm

    There’s definitely been those in my feed this week! But it wouldn’t be this time of year without them either ;0 x #TheList