Married “Single” Parent?

My husband has gone back to working away this week after being at home for 2 weeks due to our house move & him being poorly.

It’s quite weird not having him around but I’ll soon get used to it. He has almost always worked away during the week for the whole our our relationship. He does have the odd period of working locally where he can be home just before the kids go to bed but as a whole I see him Sunday night at bedtime as he leaves at 4am Monday morning and then don’t see him until tea time Friday. Sometimes he works Saturday’s making the weekend even shorter but I guess I’m used to it.

My Dad had a job that took him all around the country and quite often to other countries so to me it’s the norm for Dad to be away while Mom is at home holding the fort. I don’t think until I had the girls I truly appreciated how hard it must have been for my Mom. When Charlie was little I too worked so never felt the loneliness of being at home all day and night alone brings. The school run is often the only time I see other people and in the holidays it can be days if we don’t go out and about.

In one way it feels like I am a single married parent. Obviously I get to spend time with my family as a unit at the weekend and realise how lucky I am. In no shape or form am I trying to demean the hardship being a single parent brings – I’ve done it and know how physically and emotionally draining it is but there are times where I do feel like one again. Left to make all the day to day decisions, have to intervene and pacify all the tantrums and arguments, cook, clean and bathe all alone whilst tucking everyone in and reading stories at bedtime.

The past year I have found it harder than ever before as I always had my Mom to pop round and help out which she did daily so losing her has amplified how alone I can be.

I feel as I come across as moaning – I’m not. I’m actually in a very lucky position where my husband works so I don’t have to. I get to spend all day everyday at home with my children. I get to pick my son up and drop him at school every day – there’s not many that have such luxury. I think because of this it’s harder to say anything because people are so quick to say “get a job” or “I’d love to sit at home all day watching TV” (if only!) but it is the one thing that no stay at home parent likes to admit, because there are so many who are outraged at such a statement that it is so lonely.

I do sometimes wish that my husband had a 9-5, but I understand that he does the job he does to enable me to bring up our babies but I would love to have someone to chat to and unwind, someone to lean on when it’s been a long day or just a conversation that doesn’t involve in me asking someone not to climb/shout/steal.

It’s tough but others have it tougher. I need to chant this to myself as I wearily bath two crazy toddlers whilst knowing I need to supervise homework, empty the dishwasher, iron uniform, polish shoes, vacuum up and make the dinner – it could be a lot worse. And one day I will miss it as my Dad keeps telling me. And he should know.

B xx

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1 Comment

  1. 19th October 2015 / 9:00 am

    Ah lovey. I know how you feel. Matt worked and lived away Monday to Friday. It was tough going. Especially when I had pnd and the girls had only just been born. I find it harder this way as now I’m a single mum, I’m not getting wound up by things. It used to drive me mad when he came home tired and wouldnt help or understand how exhausted I was. The strain it put on our relationship was so tough. I have the utmost respect for you beautiful. You are super mum. Xxxxx