My Parenting CV

Three children over six years and as of last year I am currently unemployed after opting for redundancy. At university I was told to keep my curriculum vitae up to date so here is is :


Skills and Strengths

  • Able to make things out of complete crap – toilet roll sheep anyone?
  • I am able to change a nappy in about 7 seconds flat
  • Able to survive a 24 hour shift on about 53 minutes sleep per day
  • Able to name every TV character off Cbeebies and name the theme tune within 5 seconds
  • I give a great cuddle
  • Defusing a twin toddler tantrum

Qualifications (from December 2008-present)

  • Chef
  • Carer
  • Cleaner
  • Taxi
  • Comedian
  • Referee
  • Counsellor
  • Best friend/Worst enemy (depending on childs mood)
  • Nurse
  • Chemist
  • Personal shopper
  • Laundrette service
  • Teacher
  • Entertainer


  • Drinking after a long long long day
  • Talking about my children
  • Moaning about my children
  • Crying about my children
  • Boasting about my children
  • Pondering if I will have any more children 

Areas to improve

  • Must not cry at soap operas, adverts, food packaging – children have made me incredibly emotional
  • Pelvic floor (say no more)
  • Sleeping
  • Knowing EXACTLY what a toddler wants immediately
  • Getting rid of very dark circles under my eyes
  • Being able to keep on top of the mess that three kids bring with them
  • Be able to blow up a paddling pool in less than an hour
  • Learn how the hell to do little girls hair when they are screaming and crying like I’m pulling each strand out whilst making it look presentable. And then not lose my mind as after twenty six attempts and it looking ok they yank it out and back to square one I go…

Why do I want the job

Because although some days they drive me absolutely crackers, I cannot imagine what life would have been like without these three little people that lived in my belly. They have made me happier than I ever ever thought waspossible  and the fact I get to be their Mom – that makes it a job well done and a very worthwhile job at that. Even though I have the same argument every freakin morning with my 6 year old “where are your shoes/glasses/books?” but even that – yeah, I think I’ve got a pretty sweet deal.


  • Charlie
  • P1
  • P2
  • My husband – actually, don’t ask him. He is in a mood as I asked him to do the girls hair this morning (see above. You know why!)

B xx

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  1. Maya Russell
    14th July 2015 / 5:18 am

    Good read – left out personal security guard and administrative assistant!

  2. 14th July 2015 / 6:06 am

    Haha this made me laugh. If u put this on your cv they would have to give you a job xx

  3. 14th July 2015 / 7:16 am

    Ha ha brilliant post. I particular loved the areas to improve section!! xx

  4. 14th July 2015 / 11:34 am

    Great post. Very funny and true!

  5. 16th July 2015 / 5:48 pm

    Love this!!!! So true x