They say a picture tells a thousand words.
Since having the girls, I have been increasingly unhappy with my figure. I recently started Slimming World in a quest to lose weight and start being happy with myself. I scoured my Facebook for “thinspiration photos” of myself where I felt happy in my skin. But in this “happy with myself” quest I stumbled across a few photos.
In these photos I look very thin – bingo, just the photo I wanted you may think. However I look at these photos and not see someone who is skinny and body confident. I see someone who is skinny and is so because she is so desperately sad.
Around the time these photos were taken I was experiencing some of the darkest days. I was so thin due to extreme stress. I wouldn’t eat as I spent most days crying and not having time to eat as I was trapped in a life where I was never ever a priority just being used for others gain.
When I look at these pictures I see an empty hollow shell. Stuck in her life not knowing which way to turn for the best. Scared of being a failure. Not knowing how to be happy. Accepting her lot even though she knows it’s wrong and quite frankly pathetic. But just so achingly desperate to do the best for her little boy but making mistakes along the way.
I may look at photos of me now in utter disgust; analysing and dissecting the number of double chins or the wobbly tummy and muffin top – but my eyes are happy. My life quite honestly is pretty awesome as a whole. I am content, secure and loved.
Yes I may not be happy with the larger reflection but I wouldn’t swap places with that size 6 girl in the photos, not in a million years.