If Mummy Pig Was A Mummy Blogger…

Mummy Pig is the one who holds the Pig family together. She is kind, caring, knows where everything is, puts up with a rather dopey husband and is incredibly feisty (remember when they told her she would never win a teddy and she won them flipping all because she was told a woman wouldn’t win?!)


So I for one would love to tap into her calm, fun and pretty awesome parenting skills (ER hello – she puts up with Peppa as a daughter!) If only she was a Mummy blogger then maybe we would find out what she REALLY is thinking. We all know she is computer savvy and actually owns one; so I thought that some of her posts may read like this and they’d definitely have her in the Tots 100!

    Why is my daughter so bossy?

“Readers I don’t know what to do. My pre-school pig girl is so incredibly bossy. I totally ignore it and let her be a bit of a brat on the whole but I’m just too nice to shout and glug gin out of the bottle. I know most other parents massively dislike her but for some bizarre reason other human children absolutely LOVE her and want to watch her 24/7. I know I shouldn’t moan – I mean I could have Edmond Elephant as a child so life could be A LOT worse but how on earth do I teach her to be a bit less… Annoying?

Thanks. Mummy Pig *snort*

  • Why is my husband so incompetent?

“Readers, Is it just my bloke that is rubbish at DIY? I asked him to put up a picture last week and he put a full blown hole in the wall! He also has a rather large tummy. He is partial to a great slab of chocolate cake and is always having a nap despite my kids being up at the crack of dawn – any tips on how can I persuade him to possibly do a bit more exercise; I know there’s a sponsored run in the next few weeks to fix the school bus. I may may some enquiries about that.”

  • Should I be worried my 2 year old only says the word ‘Dine-saw’ and growls/cries a lot?

“I thought I could reach out to you lot. I am starting to worry about my son. We had our health check last week with Dr Brown Bear (we are on private healthcare as he comes out sirens blazing for a cough don’t you know?) and whilst little George can blow a didgeridoo he doesn’t appear to say much bar mumblings about his toy dinosaur which by the way he never ever lets me wash. Even when left out in the rain and garden.
I am wondering if his lack of speech may be down to the incessant chatting done by his older sister and he just can’t get a word in.”

  • How to keep your pig-sty tidy – by an actual Pig

“I thought I’d share a few tips about my cleaning schedule. With four piggies in my house and a husband who likes to lie on the sofa and eat chocolate cake, it all pretty much falls to me. However minimal items in the house is the way forward – it’s proper trendy and modern to be minimalistic. The kids only have one basket of toys between them which when they chuck everywhere we play a tidying game – girls Vs boys which usually takes about 23 seconds. We have hardly any furniture and live on top of a hill with no nearby neighbours so hopefully no one will ever just drop in.”

  • Thrifty Tips

My tip is – only wear orange dresses. Similarly just buy your daughter a red dress, son a blue weird onesie thing and your husband a green extremely weird onesie. Rarely you can let them dress up or wear a football shirt but your staple item is the same orange dress; fashionistas if it ain’t broke…!
Also we only have tiny shreds of material for curtains that are never pulled – why fork out on ones that actually close?! 

 

I think Mummy Pig would also be an expert at how not to flip pancakes (yes Daddy Pig we are looking at you) she would have hilarious Wicked Wednesday style shots of Peppa stuck in a tyre and her trapped in a blackberry bush, but I can guarantee one thing – she definitely wouldn’t be blogging any pork related recipes! SNORT

B xx

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28 Comments

  1. 19th May 2015 / 6:31 am

    Absolute genius. I loved reading this. You should so start up a Mummy Pig Blog. Hilarious. She’s got some awesome tips there. Xxx

  2. 19th May 2015 / 6:38 am

    Ha haaaaa! Had me snorting all the way through (serious coffee came out my nose as I read how to keep your pig sty tide by an actual pig!) I love it Beth! Mummy pig should totes be a blogger!

  3. 19th May 2015 / 6:52 am

    This post is brilliant – Love it!!

  4. 19th May 2015 / 7:42 am

    Amazing post!! Love this. I did know and laugh along at all the references you made, which makes me one serial Peppa Pig watcher! Ooooops! xx

  5. 19th May 2015 / 8:06 am

    Haha I bloody love this! I laughed so much! That says a bit about your writing and the fact I’ve watched too much Peppa Pig lol x

  6. 19th May 2015 / 8:32 am

    This made me chuckle. Oliver is obsessed with Peppa Pig at the mo, I’m trying to phase it out! He actually says no in the same way as peppa and having already loved dinosaurs he now says grr and does the little arm movement. I hate it! My OH thinks peppa is hilarious though.

  7. 19th May 2015 / 9:28 am

    OmG! I would LOVE to see a wicked Wednesday by Mummy Pig.
    I think it’s almost certain that mummy pig has a drink problem and is overweight because she eats the feelings she keeps buried deep down.
    Brilliant, funny post xx xx

  8. 19th May 2015 / 11:47 am

    Haha, fab post Beth. Is it a bit sad I know every episode reference? xx

  9. 19th May 2015 / 12:33 pm

    Love this! My kids love Peppa, and to be honest, she doesn’t trouble me, though she is clearly bossy and Daddy Pig is clearly incompetent! x

  10. 19th May 2015 / 12:48 pm

    hahaha! This is brilliant! I am laughing out loud!

  11. 19th May 2015 / 1:53 pm

    Loved it! I was so reading it in mummy pigs voice, oh I need help! xx

  12. 19th May 2015 / 6:57 pm

    Love it!!In the words of my Dad “Peppa is a chopsy little git” love George though lol x

  13. 19th May 2015 / 7:45 pm

    Hehe what a great post, had a proper giggle – I have never seen peppa pig yet, but I admit I am curious now!

  14. 19th May 2015 / 7:47 pm

    Absolutely brilliant! Had me in stitches! Oink!

  15. 19th May 2015 / 7:48 pm

    Hahahaha one word – brilliant!!

  16. 20th May 2015 / 6:27 am

    Hilarious!!!!
    You should totally do one through the eyes of Mrs Rabbit. She is a mother and holds down about 50 jobs…She is one Hell of an ispirational bunny who could teach us all afew things. X

  17. 21st May 2015 / 12:05 pm

    Haha, love this lady!! Genius 🙂 #BrilliantBlogPosts

  18. 21st May 2015 / 2:35 pm

    Ahahaha, this did have me giggling! I just read your entire post out to my OH, who in fairness was looking at me, but it was a bit glossy eyed and didn’t even pretend to smile once I’d finished. Obviously the ins and outs of Mummy Pig don’t really effect his day to day life! I however had a right little giggle and will be sharing! 😀 Ray xx #brillblogposts

  19. 21st May 2015 / 3:08 pm

    Pure gold! Just perfect – I will be sharing this! Loved it! #brilliantblogposts

  20. morna
    21st May 2015 / 8:39 pm

    Amazing post! This is so funny. I too have wondered about George’s development, I’m comforted by the fact that none of his friends seem to be any better developed than him though! #brilliantblogposts

  21. 22nd May 2015 / 8:37 pm

    haha this is brilliant, she’d most definitely be taking part in Wicked Wednesday!

  22. 23rd May 2015 / 8:42 am

    I absolutely loved reading this and it really made me giggle. Youa have got it spot on to exactly how I imagine Mummy pig to be, I wish she did blog haha I would be an avid reader. Great post #BrilliantBlogPosts

  23. 24th May 2015 / 12:24 pm

    Haha too funny! I think she would make a great blogger.
    #brilliantblogposts

  24. 30th May 2015 / 2:28 pm

    This is brilliant! Had me laughing out loud 🙂