Being a Mother is amazing, wonderful, fulfillling…yeah yeah you get all that lar-de -a smush. (Which for the record it is and I bloody loves it!) but what about all the things that as a Mom REALLY bloody annoy you? They don’t seem to wind anyone else up in the house but they send your blood pressure through the roof and your hair turns a shock of grey and undoubtedly they leave you you feeling like you’re going slightly insane – any of these sound familiar?
2) If you physically force your husband to change said bog roll – he ALWAYS puts it the wrong way up (FYI, the loose paper hangs INFRONT – do not even start me on -that- debate)
3) Washing is always dropped NEXT to the washing basket. As 4 centimetres sideways when it drops would probably make your husband self combust by actually being helpful
4) Wet towels appear to live on beds, usually on your side too
5) When people suggest eating out you no longer think of laid back meals in lovely restaurants but now the dream is replaced by chaotic screaming food throwing half hour of frenzied hell in a “cheap and cheerful” (code for microwaved crap) family pub where the floors are sticky and the tables even stickier
6) Pans abandoned in the sink with a bit of lukewarm water in the bottom clearly left for you to sort out
7) You are always the one that has to make the ‘are they allowed just one more bag of crisps’ call as your children gaze on doe eyed praying you won’t shatter their hearts by being the bad guy and saying no
8) You are expected to know where absolutely everything is. Even if you have no idea what the book they borrow from school three weeks ago and is due back in tomorrow looks like – find it. NOW.
9) It falls to you to put in the call to the tooth fairy otherwise that lazy cow just won’t visit as apparently the tooth fairy is female and won’t be found snoring in front of the TV at 11pm with only notes. And this tooth fairy has 3 kids so she ain’t made of money
10) It’s always you that has to run the gauntlet of fear when the teacher strides over to you in the playground at the end of school and ‘wants a word’ Heart. Mouth.
11) You are expected to maintain the endless carousel of clean washing to ensure that no one EVER runs out of pants and socks
12) Only you seem to know how to work the washing machine despite giving numerous lessons everyone still swears that they have no idea how to even switch it on
13) When you are asking someone to do something everyone becomes deaf, yet the second you sneak off for a biscuit three rooms away and just touch the wrapping the superhuman hearing kicks in and they all come running to steal
14) Talking of food – your meal always looks more appealing. It looks exactly the same as a little persons yet they will ditch theirs and stand puppy dog eyes (and sometimes evil crab claws pinching away) waiting for a morsel
15) You are made to feel like you have made your house into a modern day Auschwitz as you shut every door behind you, lock the stair gates the second your leg is through and my god all exterior doors are locked and keys put WAY out of reach. However, you know that your little people have superhuman powers to be able to make Houdini look like a mere peasant
This post is the tip of the iceberg – I could literally fill 20 pages of gripes but when all is said and done, they aren’t all that bad – even when eyeing up my food as in the words of Joey – I don’t share food!