Call me old, call me cynical, you may even call me rude but I have had some mini epiphany about people I know, people I don’t know and just generally people in the world. I have realised that:
I have always worried about what people will think of me; I have struggled with self confidence thanks to having really bad skin so would always presume that when talking to me people would think I was a bit gross as I have acne ridden skin. Sounds a tad crazy doesn’t it? But it’s just quite sad. I desperately wanted people to like me as the thought of people laughing about me or ridiculing me upset me so much and I’m unable to explain why.
As a person, until I know you I can be incredibly shy and this has often been interpreted as sheer arrogance on my part. I never wanted to stand out so for years I dyed my hair to fit in as a blonde as being ginger instantly makes you a target as it doesn’t “conform to the norm”
I used to be friends with quite a big group of girls at school but after a small falling out, it resulted in my best friend and breaking away and from then on in I kept a very small circle of friends. As I have gotten older the person that once wanted to be liked has stopped caring so much, and this new found realisation that not everyone can, will or want to like you – it’s just a fact of life.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s still annoying and I would often ponder why people suddenly stopped talking to me, didn’t reply to my texts or unfollowed me on twitter but you know what – we are all individuals. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea – I’m incredibly sarcastic, a little bit weird and a bit awkward in large groups. If I don’t feel comfortable with someone then I’ll never fully open up. I can’t make small talk – I’m just dreadful at it and I guess I have just decided that life is about me. I have tried to build relationships with some people and whilst I’ll always (try) to be pleasant the fact is – we just may not get on. Personality clashes, different views, the inability to get on board with my sarcasm(!) well it’s just a way of life – BUT HEY – IT’S NOT A BAD THING!
I wish so long ago I had realised this instead of chasing one sided friendships and getting upset because someone quite blatantly didn’t like me and I couldn’t fathom why. I’m at a place in my life where I’m quite happy with my close circle and of course there’s room for many more, but from here on in I’m just not so eager to fill all the spaces. We are all grown ups and we can’t expect everyone to like everyone so don’t be offended – just go with it. Embrace the people who you get on with and accept that there will always be those who you just won’t.