I have been a little quiet on the blog front for the last few weeks. Reviews, competitions and generic posts seem to have taken over along with a spot of automatic scheduled tweets because I just feel down. 

I struggle when my husband works away. Come 7pm the house falls silent and while some days this is very much needed on the other hand to be left alone with your thoughts is very hard. 

I am in complete disbelief that it is March. It being March just makes me feel incredibly sad as I know April is approaching; her one year anniversary is coming. And I’m not ready. I’m not ready to accept that I will have lived every day in a calendar year without her here. How much has changed in this year. How much I have to share. How this pain has not eased as everyone keeps assuring me it will.

I feel stuck in a rut. I have no drive to complete menial tasks and have fallen into the horrible decline that when the girls nap I too join them; just wanting to make all the mess and tidying go away. I feel I’m failing as a wife as my husband comes home to a sinking ship. Everything is everywhere, clothes not put away and just multiplying more and more.

I do not think I am depressed. I’m sure people would read this and make that conclusion about me but I’m not. I’m just sad. Incredibly sad. Next weekend is Mothers Day and it’s another stark reminder that she left us far too soon. 

I started this post not wanting to be all doom and gloom but here I am! I think this is why I have somewhat pulled back on blogging. I am sorry. I will get my sh*t together. Being like this benefits no one. But sometimes it’s the only option

B xx

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  1. Kelly byrne
    6th March 2015 / 11:41 am

    Everyday is hard but anniversaries always seem harder. The lead up is always on ones mind. Big hugs lovely

  2. 6th March 2015 / 1:07 pm

    Sending you love and hugs, anniversaries are always hard. If you can face it, write down three things you want to do in the day and aim to do just one of them (like out away five items of clothing). It might help to do one thing, or just nap with the girls. When you’re sad, it’s important to take your time and after all, your strength is much more important than clear floors x

  3. 6th March 2015 / 1:20 pm

    I don’t know grief like you’re suffering. I do suspect, though, that allowing yourself to be sad and resting is what you need to do, especially with Mother’s Day and the anniversary just around the corner, too. I’m sure your husband understands, and it’s your blog, so make no apologies here, say whatever you need to. Sending hugs x Thanks for sharing with #WotW

  4. 6th March 2015 / 2:09 pm

    I don’t have many words to say but couldn’t read and run, just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and sending a big hug. Also this is your blog you can write what you like and shouldn’t have to apologise!
    Becky Xxx

  5. 6th March 2015 / 4:21 pm

    I think posts like this are just as important to read/write as the happy funny ones. I cannot imagine what you are going through and what you have gone through, and it must be really hard with Mother’s Day and the anniversary coming up.
    Be kind to yourself, nap lots, sleep is important – I always sleep lots more especially when I am feeling low.

  6. 6th March 2015 / 7:43 pm

    Oh lovely, I really feel for you. And you’re right, you don’t sound depressed, but you are still grieving… And you’re entitled to your feelings.

    I hope your hubby isn’t away as much over the coming weeks. Sending hugs xx

  7. 6th March 2015 / 8:16 pm

    I’m so sorry lovely lady, I can’t imagine how hard this last year has been and I know anniversaries and birthdays will be tough to say the least. Sending you loads of love and hugs from Toby and I xxx

  8. 6th March 2015 / 9:05 pm

    I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, huge hugs! Don’t worry about blogging, it’s your space to write as little or as much as you feel like xx

  9. 6th March 2015 / 9:26 pm

    Oh I feel for you. I know how I feel when Hubby is away in the evenings. I retreat to bed with my laptop at 7pm, with a cup of tea and the TV and hide in my bloggy world. But that’s me with not much in my head and all my ‘issues’ are a few years old now so I have pushed them as far back as they will go. I remember though when times were raw and that quiet in the house, your brain working and the thoughts coming. It’s not a nice place to be and I really do feel for you. Get through and do what you need to do. The blog will be here when you’re ready but for now look after yourself. Sending love x

  10. 6th March 2015 / 9:49 pm

    Sending massive hugs and lots of love!
    Anniversaries are so hard….Thinking of you x

  11. 7th March 2015 / 8:14 pm

    My heart goes out to you xx

    It’s good to get it off your chest honey, you obviously need it x

    Thinking of you. Visiting from #wotw