I have been a little quiet on the blog front for the last few weeks. Reviews, competitions and generic posts seem to have taken over along with a spot of automatic scheduled tweets because I just feel down.
I struggle when my husband works away. Come 7pm the house falls silent and while some days this is very much needed on the other hand to be left alone with your thoughts is very hard.
I am in complete disbelief that it is March. It being March just makes me feel incredibly sad as I know April is approaching; her one year anniversary is coming. And I’m not ready. I’m not ready to accept that I will have lived every day in a calendar year without her here. How much has changed in this year. How much I have to share. How this pain has not eased as everyone keeps assuring me it will.
I feel stuck in a rut. I have no drive to complete menial tasks and have fallen into the horrible decline that when the girls nap I too join them; just wanting to make all the mess and tidying go away. I feel I’m failing as a wife as my husband comes home to a sinking ship. Everything is everywhere, clothes not put away and just multiplying more and more.
I do not think I am depressed. I’m sure people would read this and make that conclusion about me but I’m not. I’m just sad. Incredibly sad. Next weekend is Mothers Day and it’s another stark reminder that she left us far too soon.
I started this post not wanting to be all doom and gloom but here I am! I think this is why I have somewhat pulled back on blogging. I am sorry. I will get my sh*t together. Being like this benefits no one. But sometimes it’s the only option