Yesterday was complete and utter carnage – start to finish. I almost don’t want to write it down as it makes it even more toe curlingly worse than it was. But I knew it was going to be a bad day when I could only find 2 boots out of a possible 4; both left ones. OF COURSE!
I persevered and went off to the new playgroup for our 3rd visit. I’m starting to wonder if we may politely be asked not to return. You see, yesterday we had tantrum after tantrum. P1 took a shine to the ride on cars that were out and decided that she was not going to share – not even her sister. And this caused a few problems. Obviously other kids kept wanting a turn so I tried nicely to tice her out and luckily the lure of food worked – once. Big she kept going back and when I decided I would physically take her out oh dear lord, all hell broke loose and she wailed, screamed, ran off. Then made a break to her sister who had played a blinder and befriended another girl who let her drive in a car with her. P1 being in full on tantrum mode decided she wanted a piece of the action and tried to wriggle her way into the boot thus getting wedged and kicking this other child in the side of the head as she thrashed about like a possessed animal.
After much profuse apologies, the tantrum kept on going. And going. And she even took it UNDER THE FRIGGIN CRAFT TABLE. You know – where I can’t reach. As I desperately tried to paw at her to stop her smashing her head off the floor, P2 decided that the cake icing looked rather appealing as she started shovelling green goop into her mouth. After refusing my daughter anymore E numbers and the other finally coming out we (WHY) went and sat for storyline and singing which again was farcical and meant me running back and forth trying to prise them away from the bloody cars.
It’s funny to see how different parents react to my feral children running riot. You have:
1) The Sympathetic Look Mom
She’s been there, done that and can only sympathise with you. She too has the fear in her eyes knowing that her little darling too is a ticking time bomb and then we can swap desperate glances at each other
2) The Tutting Mom
I was once her; Charlie was an absolute angel toddler so I would look on horrified as other children ran riot while the bedraggled parents followed behind. I couldn’t believe how naughty their kids were and what a bad parents they were. WRONG! Some kids are just more wild than others. I don’t parent any different – just the girls are far more cray and attract a lot more disapproving looks. And I just cross my fingers and toes that their baby number 2 is the devil child.
3) The Advice Giver
Oh bless these ones. They really think they are helping by telling me I should try the naughty step, or they read this book about baby whispering or I could use calm parenting. I appreciate it I really do. But trying to give it whilst I am trying to stop my daughter from slapping me round the face isn’t really the best time eh?
4) The Pregnant One
They look TRAUMATISED that this is what their life is going to be like. Why oh why pregnant women go to baby groups without a child is beyond me. Two words – lamb. Slaughter.
5) Mrs Know It All
At least The Advice Giver is trying to help. Mrs Know It All just makes you feel like sh*te. You should be doing this and definitely not that. Every part of your parenting is scrutinised and you are left feeling like crap as she judges and slates you.
6) The Help Givers
They see how the stress is oozing out of every pore and they come to the rescue with a distraction or better still a spare pair of hands. These people are worth their weight in gold and I love every single one of you!
7) The Old Hats
They’ve been there, done that and you bond over the fact your kids are a tad Satanic and you bond over your mutual love of crying, pulling your hair out and alcohol.
Recognise any of these?! I’m going to rock in the corner and text my number 7 mates and plan a night out!!