For years and years, generation after generation people who have given birth to little folk often accrue an ever expanding list of unanswerable parenting questions. These questions become urban myths that they pass onto their children and then grandchildren…and if someone is brave enough – the myth may be busted and you become a legend. If any of those legends are reading this – please can you shed any light on my ever-growing list of parenting questions and dilemmas, please?
Where is the best place to hide Christmas presents?
How do you get rid of toys without them noticing that you threw out a wax crayon they got from Macdonalds 16 months and 2 days ago?
Why does your plate of exactly the same food look SO much more appealing?
Why is my child like an ironing board when trying to get them into a pushchair when there’s loads of spectators looking on in disgust as they wail and slide rigidly to the floor?
Why does my child always like to touch the contents of their nappy?
Why do my children always want to play with plugs and wires?
Why do all of my children hate salad with an inane passion?
How can little people leave such a path of complete and utter destruction behind them?
What is the secret to being able to pick up every single germ/flu/sickness bug known to man up at least twice every month for the first nine years of their life?
Why do they always need to pee at the exact moment that your food arrives at a restaurant EVERY SINGLE TIME?
How can they want to read the same book 1692 times a day without getting bored?
Why is a scrap of ripped up paper better than that £30 toy Daddy lovingly bought for you….which also leads on to
Why is the box ALWAYS the best part of the present?
How the hell do you get babies to keep hats and gloves on in sub zero temperatures so that you don’t get filthy looks like you don’t car about your kids?
Why do you blink and your child is at school yet an afternoon at the dentists lasts forevvvvvver?
Why do all children love Mr Bloody Tumble?
Does anyone have the answer to these urban myths? Because I’d really like to know! (Especially the salad and tumble one)
After all of these – the biggest question all parents would love to be able to answer – WHY DO WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH IT MORE THAN ONCE?!