Parenting – The Great Unanswered Questions

For years and years, generation after generation people who have given birth to little folk often accrue an ever expanding list of unanswerable parenting questions. These questions become urban myths that they pass onto their children and then grandchildren…and if someone is brave enough – the myth may be busted and you become a legend. If any of those legends are reading this – please can you shed any light on my ever-growing list of parenting questions and dilemmas, please?

Where is the best place to hide Christmas presents?

How do you get rid of toys without them noticing that you threw out a wax crayon they got from Macdonalds 16 months and 2 days ago?

Why does your plate of exactly the same food look SO much more appealing?
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Why is my child like an ironing board when trying to get them into a pushchair when there’s loads of spectators looking on in disgust as they wail and slide rigidly to the floor?

Why does my child always like to touch the contents of their nappy?

Why do my children always want to play with plugs and wires?

Why do all of my children hate salad with an inane passion?

How can little people leave such a path of complete and utter destruction behind them?

How do babies have the abilities to work a smartphone and laptop better than you?
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Where do their tiny stomachs hide and store such vast quantities of sh*t that explode all over your leg/face/lounge?

What is the secret to being able to pick up every single germ/flu/sickness bug known to man up at least twice every month for the first nine years of their life?

Why do they always need to pee at the exact moment that your food arrives at a restaurant EVERY SINGLE TIME?

How can they want to read the same book 1692 times a day without getting bored?

Why is a scrap of ripped up paper better than that £30 toy Daddy lovingly bought for you….which also leads on to

Why is the box ALWAYS the best part of the present?

How the hell do you get babies to keep hats and gloves on in sub zero temperatures so that you don’t get filthy looks like you don’t car about your kids?

Why do you blink and your child is at school yet an afternoon at the dentists lasts forevvvvvver?

Why do all children love Mr Bloody Tumble?

Does anyone have the answer to these urban myths? Because I’d really like to know! (Especially the salad and tumble one)
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After all of these – the biggest question all parents would love to be able to answer – WHY DO WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH IT MORE THAN ONCE?!

B xx

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13 Comments

  1. 10th February 2015 / 5:13 pm

    I hear you on the salad one, and the laptop one… and so many more!
    Kids, who’d have em 😉

  2. 10th February 2015 / 9:28 pm

    Hehehe I love this post but especially … ‘How the hell do you get babies to keep hats and gloves on in sub zero temperatures so that you don’t get filthy looks like you don’t care about your kids?’ I wish I knew, I really wish I knew!!!

  3. 10th February 2015 / 10:08 pm

    Ha, the public ironing board – a classic! You suddenly realise everyone’s staring as you plant a knee gently in their middle…Great post lovely and congrats on front page. x

  4. 10th February 2015 / 11:05 pm

    Brilliant – love it! Have definitely asked myself most of these questions too! 🙂

  5. Suz
    11th February 2015 / 8:41 am

    Aww these made me chuckle!! I need to know the answers to almost every one of these questions! Haha! When you find the answers be sure to let me know! Great read! Xx

  6. 11th February 2015 / 7:18 pm

    Lots of comments, but no one knows the answers! The mystery continues!! xx

  7. 13th February 2015 / 2:10 am

    Lol, this is great. Even on the other side of the world, the questions are the same. Salad is a universal fear which eases as they age but always laying dormant. I love the pee when food comes out. One of my kids always needs to poo (and she is now 13yrs old) whenever we get to the beach (where there are no toilets) or jumps in s swimming pool…. WHY?

  8. 13th February 2015 / 8:26 am

    Haha, we all had to resign to the fact that we will never, ever know x #TheList

  9. 13th February 2015 / 11:47 am

    Why does the big one always need a poo when I am changing the little one?

    Loved this post. #thelist

  10. 14th February 2015 / 9:48 pm

    haha brilliant, I can relate to quite a lot of those! x

  11. 15th February 2015 / 11:36 am

    Great post. Couldn’t agree more. #TheList

  12. 19th February 2015 / 11:19 am

    Hahahaha!! Great list of questions, please could you tweet me when you find any of the above answers 😉

    Thanks for linking up to #Thelist lovely xxx

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