Happy Birthday Dad

Happy birthday Dad. You’re 61 today – wow! From 60 to 61 our lives have suffered irreparable damage and change. We are only just starting to lift our heads and peep out into the abyss that now surrounds us.

Last February we all gathered and spent the day together. This year will be the same. But one less face at the table. One less meal to order. One massive part of us all missing.

You’re the last out of us all to have to experience the first birthday and milestone without it. It’s hard. Incredibly hard. No card with her name on. No present expertly wrapped. No…her.

I hope you have a lovely birthday. We all smile and wish you a happy day masking our aching hearts and broken smiles. We all feel the underlying heartache as we gather together for such an occasion.

The main question still remains – when is this supposed to get easier? Everyone keeps saying it gets better over time; for me it’s the opposite. I don’t like this new kind of normal. I don’t like it at all.
I want my old life back. My old life with her in it.

Happy birthday Dad. Please try not to be sad; we are all here feeling the same raw gut wrenching pain with you

B xx

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8 Comments

  1. February 11, 2015 / 11:15 am

    Thinking of you and your dad at this horrible time. The first year is definitely the worst out of them all. And you are right there is a new horrible kind of normal.

    My dad has been gone for 3 years this month and I found writing it all down really helped and sharing what a brilliant man he was with anyone who cared to listen (I wrote it here; remembering my dad)

    I hope the rest of the year is kind, especially leading up to the anniversary xxxx
    Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks recently posted…Food for thought; Steak PieMy Profile

  2. February 11, 2015 / 1:01 pm

    Beautifully written. I do hope your dad and the rest of you manage to have some semblance of a celebration, though I appreciate it must be so painful and difficult. Wish I could help you more, but I’m here reading and hearing you xxx
    The Reading Residence recently posted…Bring Back the Bedtime StoryMy Profile

  3. February 11, 2015 / 2:22 pm

    Beautifully written, my original response got lost. You’re right the first year is always the hardest to do, the first everything is especially rubbish and it’s adapting and changing your perspective that you don’t really want to do.

    I lost my dad 3 years ago this month and I found myself moving on from pain to anger and acceptance by reflecting on what my dad would want. I managed the anniversary this year by writing about it (under my blog Remembering if you want to see my coping methods)

    Otherwise just be kind to yourself and to your dad. I’m so sorry you are going through this and you aren’t alone my thoughts are with you xx
    Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks recently posted…Food for thought; Steak PieMy Profile

  4. February 12, 2015 / 9:03 pm

    I missed this yesterday, sorry Beth. As usual I am crying for you my dear friend, crying tears that sting my eyes, tears that wet my pyjama top (its night time!) as they stream down and drop from my face. I’m feeling sick from crying so hard I can not imagine how you are feeling. Because this is your story, your real life not just a blog post that others are reading.

    Much love and you know where I am if you ever need a friend XXX
    becky recently posted…5 Ideas For…Free Fun For Tween’s At Half Term.My Profile

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