Charlie has been busy this week doing his Christmas cards. Apparently now 6 (and one day!) year olds are quite selective on who they want to send them to, or as he puts it “the naughty kids” or the “good kids” (The next Santa perhaps?) so we had quite a rather short list – so like his Mother!!
But he will soon learn there is much more political nonsense that goes into those cards – BELIEVE ME!
These are the types of cards you are dealing with once your sprog/let(s) hit school. Not only that but you will need a dumper truck to bring home the masses of minuscule, tiny and quite frankly POINTLESS cards, that kids love and always choose – you know the ones; they are about 5 centimetres by 2 centimetres long and they NEVER sit properly on the card strings at your house – completely and utterly futile wretched things! Anyhoo when you open your kids book bag and find a pile of them be sure to look out for and categorise them as follows:
1) The “sent you one so you have to send one back” card
Always keep a stash of tatty cards back up cards for such disasters. You can create serious enemies if you snub someone’s kid in the card stakes. Luckily my son has the same name as another one in the class and there’s often a mix up/duplicates. Let’s just hope the other one doesn’t write his surname on the cards so I have a fail-safe back up; just steal the credit.
2) The ” hasn’t my 5 year old got super neat handwriting” card
Bah. Nothing worse than a kid whose b’s and d’s are the right way around (yup we are struggling!) and who hadn’t smudged all the writing with their sweaty pen gripping claws. It’s just a subtle way to show all the other parents how clever their kid is….Whilst mine doodles and forgets how to spell his own name which he’s managed on 17 other cards.
3) The “super brainy kids writing it ALL” card
See above. But this is worse. The Mom hasn’t written the ‘to so and so’ bit and also the ‘love from’ bit; they kid has done the whole thing. Take comfort in the hope that it probably took about 15 hours to complete and they now probably have ruined their parent-child bond forever based on a friggin Christmas card show off.
4) The charity cards/ last years cards/ handmade super crafty card quandary
Will anyone remember if you dig out last years cards? Will they think you are tight if they’re that sad that they DO remember? Do you care?!?! A great tip though incase you are worried about being found out – check if the card has a date. Anything that says earlier that copyright 2010 – BIN EM. And never buy dated ones again. You live and learn eh?
Also – Don’t be friends with crafty folk. Yes I say this a lot but they do drag you down with their perfect parenting skills. They make your 59p for 4000 cards, which you can never open the envelope to shove the card in without ripping it to shreds, out the bargain bin look right cheap arse crap and will show you up. Charity cards also make you look like a caring sort of person so go with them. And it’s quite nice actually to support a charity when you know come 6th January they’ll be in the recycling box.
Alternatively you could just do what one mom did last year – just write the kids name at the bottom of the card (no from or anything) and just hand them to the teacher to dole out. No name, no envelope – no effort. BINGO!
(Disclosure – that lazy arse mother shock horror wasn’t actually me. For once!!!!!!) Happy writing!