Is it just me or are toddlers so easily amused but for all the wrong reasons? In the space of an hour my girls ripped through the living room (like always) like little tornados; destroying everything and anything in their path. But are they playing with their zillions of toys? Or that wonderful sensory bottle filled with rice and pasta that’s going to make them into the next Einstein? No. Here’s a selection of my two little monkeys favourite things to amuse them:
Apparently they are the funniest thing EVER. From poking them out to licking their fingers – they HOWL with laughter. They also try to rip them out of your head. And it bloody hurts and yes, they’re still laughing.
2) The sky remote/iphone/laptop
Don’t try to fob them off with remotes that have no batteries nor phones that are turned off. And god forbid if they manage to sneakily steal your phone when you’re not looking – the second you lock it so they can’t FaceTime the Doctors surgery, they will have an absolute meltdown. Oh. And move any laptops as they will sit on the screen and dribble ALL over it. Also – my daughters ALWAYS put on channel 666 – coincidence? Hmmmm…..
3) Plug and wire necklaces
I didn’t get the A/W 2014 memo that iphone chargers were THE must have accessory dangling around my neck. But my daughters insist on wearing every wire they come into contact with as a fetching scarf. I’m soooo last season obviously.
I’ve never seen a child try to hurl themselves out of a pushchair quicker than when they spot a dog in a 100 metre radius. They start squealing and rocking in delight at any four legged pooch. Quite entertaining when it’s a massive Great Dane but they aren’t phased. Sadly for them – I will never ever have a dog. Well. Possibly if it was a cute little pug but no. No pets EVER*
5) Our car
Since having to trade in my beloved brand new Civic and essential driving a mini bus, to add insult to injury it’s bright red. However the girls are so used to being loaded and unloaded from the big red fun bus that they can spot it a mike off. Great if they’re in a good mood but OUCH if they spot it and decide they have had enough of this sitting about malarkey and mass meltdown ensues.
6) Ikea teddies
I don’t think we have ever ever ever been able to leave Ikea without 20 teddies. In our mahoosive collection of rather strange Swedish stuffed animals it includes two rats (Ritty and Ratty) a selection of fruits with faces, a sausage dog, a pig and P1s ultimate favourite if all time and somewhat acceptable, a panda. Screw you Jellycat teddy that cost £25 I want Ikea tat that will fall to bits. Ah thank you!
7) Their brother
They’re like a moth to a flame. They squeal and shriek in pure delight when he walks in. It’s heart meltingly cute to see how mych they idolise him. But poor Char. He doesn’t half get mauled. He only has to lean over or pick something up and they’re on his back clinging to him. They also think it’s quite hilarious to play with his light sabres and also decapitate him in the process. Luckily, he’s learnt to make a hasty retreat when he’s under fire from the evil Sith twins.
Oh they would sit for HOURS out the front picking up gravel. We have a little watering can and they love to chuck it in there. Then take it out. And then throw if back in. Occasionally they spice things up and I found clumps of gravel in the did stairs toilet quite randomly! Let’s hope they aren’t naughty as they’d probably find a lump of coal utterly thrilling.
9) Magazines / newspapers
Tuesday is magazine day. I love indulging in trashy magazines but last week I didn’t get to read all about the 25 stone woman who wanted more benefits to pay for her to lose weight as little fingers had gotten to it before me. And tore it into teeny tiny shreds and have print all over their just washed faces. That’s £1.50 I’ll never see again. Thank god for This Morning covering all of Closer magazines shocking interviews eh?
10) Anything you eat/are doing/ have in your hand
It’s like gold dust.Whatever you have – they want, no NEED. Your plate of exactly the same food always looks more appealing. I now never ever get to eat a full meal without puppy dog eyes looking longingly despite the fact mine will be freezing as I was faffing around before I got to sit down.
So when I start my Christmas shopping these are the essential items I will be needing this year. They make them happier than any wonderful V Tech or FisherPrice toy ever could so pass me a clump of gravel and kiss goodbye to ever watching anything on TV as they channel hop incessantly.
What would be on your toddlers Christmas hmmm list?!
*I so will get a dog the day my babies go to nursery. Empty nest and all that jazz…