My 10 Facebook Pet Hates

Ah Facebook. Fantastic concept – super annoying in practise. Over the years it’s gone from being a bit of fun where you can stalk catch up with folk you’ve not seen for a while to  a brag-tastic, infuriatingly drama filled place that you somehow, feel compelled to add and keep people you really don’t want to (family!) yet are still drawn back to. And we all have that one account that bugs you SO much yet you just won’t delete them, purely for the laughs/gossip/car crash that is their page. (Admit it – you know exactly what I mean)
Here’s a run down of my 10 biggest Facebook annoyances with a few jaw dropping cringe-y moments added in!
1) Inappropriate check ins 
Without a shadow of doubt a check in at a funeral was the lowest of the low. I mean who would do that?! 
But then there’s always the ones that check in at A&E and the Doctors purely for attention then when enough people ask it’ll either be “I’ll inbox you” or a celebrity style statement that everything is ok and thanks for all your support. 
2) The latest “craze”
Ice bucket challenges, neck nominations, pie in the eye – god knows what next. 
Yes it’s for charity – fantastic! But when it becomes about who can be the “wackiest” and most hilarious or look the best in a bikini with no mention of the actual cause it just becomes irritating. Having 80% of my feed just chucking water over themselves- once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all. Just set up a direct debit to charity. Much easier!
3) Sharing pictures / videos
I haven’t shared that photo of that girl within 30 seconds, who was going to haunt me and she’s yet to find me and stick pins in my eyes. Nor has sharing a photo of the British flag made me instantly become a better citizen. Why do people feel compelled to sit and find these things and clog up my timeline with about 30 pointless videos and “true love will find you if you share this” in a row? FYI – it’ll never find you sat reposting that drivel. 
4) Relationship dramas
Now. I secretly love this one. Hand me the popcorn and away we go. But seriously there’s a “couple” on my timeline who between them have 4 kids yet every single month there’s got to be at least one very public split. Followed by not so cryptic meme pictures “a strong woman can walk away” and crap to that effect, coupled with the now obligatory “just me and my kids from now on” status. All the “r u ok hun” replied with “I’ll inbox u” (NOOOO WE WANT THE GOSSIP ON THIS ATTENTION SEEKING STATUS!)
But of course, within 24 hours normal “love you babe. Best boyf ever” crap will resume. Until the next argument. And the cycle continues. 
5) BragBook
People who never ever ever go on tinterweb unless it’s to post a new car, new handbag, designer shoes or tell the world where they are jetting off to. Others who you know are flat broke yet manage to tell the world that this status has been posted off the new iPad. Cheers for that. 
Note to self – avoid Mothers Day, Christmas, Valentines and peoples birthdays. Who got the biggest bunch of flowers? Who got their kids the most OTT expensive present to buy show their love? 
6) Pet Accounts
I know you from school and haven’t seen you for over a decade – so why is it acceptable to get a request faking to be friends WITH YOUR DOG? I’m barely friends with you let alone your four legged friend. And just for the record – making me say the line “no I do not want to be friends with your dog/cat/hamster etc etc” makes me fear for society. And my mental health. 
7) “_X_ has added 8 photos of you”
OUT OF MY WAY. Never have you rushed quicker for the phone when a notification comes through like this. And your stomach lurches as that little white circle loads. And there it is. Your double chin and bingo wings in full view of the passing internet traffic. And you have no control over it. I find 20 texts, 10 inbox messages and about 400 what’s app messages begging them to remove it helps. But the whole WORLD will have seen you looking like a hag? Remove from timeline and pray no one saved it to laugh at and circulate to their best mate to take the pee (I so don’t do that by the way….
Best stick to Instagram where you only ever post photos above the neckline, from up high to eradicate chins and with full make up.  Probably photo attempt 97 will make the cut. With heavy filtering. 
8) Excessive PDA’s
Do you not SEE this person? They’re probably sat right next to you at you type out the mini essay on how fantastic they are. And then when the men write it back – toe curling. Just text each other. Seriously. 
Massive fail. And the ultimate cringe was when I inadvertently shared one of my posts on a blogging group which was open access. I am still reeling from this massive faux pas on my part. Doh. 
10) Inappropriate photos
Not from the inappropriate check in one but the lowest point in my Facebook history was when someone posted photos of their Dads coffin and hearse. What is an incredibly personal sad moment in your life – shared on social media for all to see. Personally I found it beyond crass and wholy inappropriate. Maybe they found it in someway healing but for the vast majority – hideously crude. 
So there you have it. There’s LOTS more but I don’t want to come across as too bitter. High five for achieving that eh? -ahem-
B x

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