Wow. I have survived a twin pregnancy and also the first 15 and a half months. Quite how I’m not sure! There are days where I can barely look after myself but apparently I am in charge of these little people who call me Mom. And Dad. And “Dissss” according to P2. It’s all affectionate though…I think
But I have thrown together a few things that have slightly kept me sane and made me able to reach this milestone in one piece and just a bit grey.
1) never ever EVER get down to the last pack of wipes or nappies
With two little bottys to clean and change – don’t play nappy roulette. Your stress levels and blood pressure will be through the roof. And on 51 minutes of sleep per day, it’s really not worth it.
And you just know that if you leave it until the morning there will be a poonami. GET THEM IN NOW.
This also applies to milk as you can guarantee that you will knock a bottle over when there’s no back up.
2) buy car seat bases
This is actually quite a handy one. And no, I’m not working on commission here. But if there’s one thing I honestly cannot recommend enough it is these.
How on earth I would have managed to get anywhere on time if I had been fading about with seat belts I’ll never know. They may be expensive but I promise it will make chaotic school runs or shopping trips so much easier and stress free. And you won’t almost decapitate yourself when leaning over to plug them in. Always a bonus.
3) be prepared
Not for the actual babies, you quickly learn how to soothe and deal with them. I’m talking about people out and about.
You will become a minor celebrity in your own right (think ex Big Brother fame more than Cheryl Cole hype) and prepare for people rushing up to you, pointing at you, asking bazillions of questions and worst of all – touching your babies.
If you spot someone about to approach when you’re having a bad day – either start talking maniacally at your babies (even if asleep) or fake phonecalls. They’re always a good get out of jail.
4) learn a script
You will be asked the same questions EVERY single time you go out. I know people love to look at babies and when there’s two my god! My advice would be to switch to autopilot and to learn a sensible script and also a naughty one for days where you really cannot be arsed. Such as:
“Are they twins?”
Polite – yes they’re identical girls
Naughty – no they have the same face, same clothes, same pushchair but I honestly don’t know where this one came from
“Bet you have your hands full”
Polite – oh but it’s lots of fun
Naughty – Jesus don’t I know it. Do you want one? I don’t mind. Seriously help me out here
Polite – (just grit your teeth and smile l)
Naughty – (just grit your teeth and flick the V)
But more than anything:
5) remember – you are pretty amazing!
I have held newborns since having the girls and the first thing that hits me – HOW DID I MANAGE THIS WITH TWO?! I honestly don’t know how I did it. How after taking a good hour to feed, change, burp, change outfit and settling one baby you do a little fist pump. Then as soon as your head touches the pillow the other stirs. To look after one baby is hard but two? Bloody hell!!!!
Be prepared for people who either bitch like hell about how hard having one baby is or others that think you are some sort of Saint. In all honesty – parenting is hard. Whether it’s 1 or 11. But you’ll get there. There will be days when you strut down the street because you fed changed and dressed two babies in under an hour and other days where you want to hide under the duvet and sob your heart out forever because these tiny humans are zapping all your energy. But as I say you’ll get there. You’ll have eyebags that could carry a weekly shop and more grey hairs than Phillip Schofield but they’re bloody ace.
And hey if all else fails just remember – they’ve gotta leave home one day*
*if you’re lucky