Yesterday I found a hole in Charlie’s school shorts. I paid £8 for these bloody things (Asda was too far away so ended up in BHS. No. I’m not that posh. We are supermarket uniform through and through ) and was annoyed they’d got a hole in already. His trusty Asda trousers had taken a battering over 9 months yet these pricey things go and rip after a few weeks. Then the panic set in….I, Beth, Mother of 3… Cannot sew. I have tried and failed miserably in the past. It’s actually embarrassing to see my handy work. If I was a child and my sewing work was being handed up to me to wear – I’d have a wobbly and refuse it.
Quite shockingly the first thought was “I’ll ring my Dad”. Yes. My 60 year old father is better at sewing than I am. This got me thinking – I’m sure this is what moms (ie me) should be able do! Unfortunately for me this is one of a very long line of things Moms seemingly “should be able to do” However, I also am pants at:
1) Baking. Unless it has 4 or less ingredients – count me out. If ever I dare make gingerbread I’m sure I could singlehandedly take down a grown man with the burning sensation they radiate in your mouth. Note to self – go easy on the ginger. And just buy a pack of gingernuts.
2) Cooking. I burn toast. I burn omelettes. However I make a mean microwave pizza. When I haven’t burnt it.
3) Crafting. I’m sure Charlie at the age of 2 would wince if I sat down with him at the craft table at his old playgroup. Even back then he knew if it wasn’t drawing stickmen then we were doomed. Am I the only one who gave it my – everything only to see everyone else’s and then say (blame) the child had done it? No? Just me? Oooook.
4) Having a tidy house. “Tidy house” is not in my vocabulary. There’s piles of clothes EVERYWHERE not to mention washing up from three tea times ago. I hate housework. Especially sorting clothes. But tidying Coupled with 3 kids? Pffff. A no go.
5) Looking like a Stepford Wife. I look like I’ve not slept for 6 years. My clothes have biscuit and dinner smeared all over them, oh and not missing the line of snot in my hair and my excessive lack of make up – I’m far past my sell by date. You can’t kid a kidder!
So there you have it. I would fail miserably at a Gypsy Wife audition. I am a disgrace to women of the past. My Gran would be mortified at my lack of Home Ec skills. And everyone who has been to my house – with notice, so that I can hide all the piles of washing in my bedroom, and firmly shut the door for eternity – I am a massive fraud. As I write this my kids are delighting in ripping up a toilet roll. Honestly you’d think id given them chocolate coated gold!
I’d love to be super organised and super Mumsy. But instead I’ll stick to singing and dancing with the kids like a loon. Making rice crispy cakes and fairy cakes out of a box. I’m not a 1960s Mom in any meaning of the word but I’d like to think that for all my lack of baking and crafting – I can wing it. And they seem happy enough!
But as for them shorts that need sewing? Best get me down the Asda for a new pair of shorts!!