Bye Bye Boobies

 So it happened. I knew it wasn’t far off but it well and truly has. P1 refused my boob. So with a heavy heart I have to admit that It’s time to call time on my breast feeding days, forever. And I’m not quite sure how to feel about it if I’m honest.
 breastfeeding twins
I’d always wanted to give breastfeeding a go with my girlies and just see how we got on. When I told people I was planning on breast feeding twins, I may as well have had a third head – but the way I saw it – two babies – two boobs! Simple. My attitude to parenting this time round has been to try and be as flexible as possible and just go with the flow.

However, it was a bit different when they were here. In hospital I had struggled to feed them both. With Charlie, he’d latched straight away and off we went no dramas, but with the girls it was more challenging. On day 2 after having the girls, I was really poorly post section so didn’t really attempt to feed at all. On day 3 incredibly agonising nipples meant no feeding, the thought alone couple with feeling ill meant it was a no go, so I tried a breast pump which left me feeling like utter crap, as after 15 minutes of pumping, I didn’t draw so much as one tiny dot of the much desired breastmilk. It was hard emotionally I’m not going to lie.
Our day 5 weigh in brought P2 losing 10.1% of her birth weight and the bitch from hell midwife, who made me cry making me feel so useless that I couldn’t feed my babies. I was feeling really upset and prepared to give up. But day 6 – that burning feeling kicked in and my boobs finally filled and seeing milk stained lips lifted my mood and made me feel like I really could do this.
I was lucky enough to be able to exclusively breastfeed my son, so had always wanted to give twin feeding a go and I soon got the hang of tandem feeding (Oh it’s fun!)
I’d also point out we were also doing top ups with formula as the six weeks holidays meant I had Charlie on my own with the girls in the week and I couldn’t demand feed both of them and look after him but a lot of bottle top ups with expressed milk. After my day 3, meltdown the first time I filled two bottles to the top I felt like going and proudly shoving them under that midwife’s nose who implied I’d have to formula feed the girls. I was sat on our living room floor pumping and my husband came downstairs to me gobsmacked and literally like the cat who’d got the (double) cream.
However come September and Charlie starting school, days got shorter and I had to be more organised and time efficient so the expressing (which I had previously done early morning) seemed to take a back seat. Then my left nipple developed this huge sore which meant I could not use it as it was pure agony.
I can’t quite remember when but P2 started to become very fussy when on the boob and about a month ago she stopped breast feeding and was fully formula fed. And now at almost 5 months P1 too has decided it’s too much like hard work trying to feed herself, plus they’re taking 8-9ml of formula so I simply cannot compete.
I feel so lucky I was able to feed the girls myself and don’t get me wrong it’s not been without its ups and downs but I feel a part of me is very sad as I probably won’t ever get to feed and share that experience again.
(I know how emotive and how people get offended about breast feeding – this post is not intended in any way to make anyone feel bad about formula feeding. This is purely my personal experience and I don’t have an opinion on any one else’s methods of feeding their baby(ies) you are all ace & your babies think that too!)
B x
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