When I found out I was pregnant I was absolutely thrilled. We had only got married on 30th September so to find out on 24th October that I was pregnant was amazing and also meant – honeymoon baby!
I remember reading a post that a lady had written damning twin parents who dressed their kids the same. I read it with a sense of outrage and amusement that someone would be so ridiculous to suggest how dressing your kids the same could actually affect them. They look so cute! They don’t care! It makes for nice pics and also helps me spot them easily when out. How ludicrous I thought. However as time has gone on and the girls have gotten older, I now realise that twinning for us is wrong and how I regret dressing my girls the same.
I guess it all started when they started nursery and their first steps into the world on their own started. I was excited for them to make their own friends and have their own little thing going on. Then it hit me – other adults and kids couldn’t tell them apart.
I found it was actually starting to negatively impact them when other kids didn’t know which was which and they would be referred to as either the twins or someone would shout both their names at just one of them…like the two names together was their actual name.
It made me feel a bit sad for them.
As a whole, they don’t seem to care but I can already see P2 starting to be annoyed by it all. She is the first to jump in and correct someone when they call her the wrong name. As they get older, I am sure it is going to be incredibly annoying and tiresome constantly having to correct people who call you the wrong name or just refer to you as a twin. As people, we all carve our own paths and want to be known for various things yet being confused for someone else will be wearing.
Look, I know my girls are identical twins. I struggle to tell other people’s twins apart so I am not having a go at people who DARE to get them mixed up. No, not at all. But I am trying to make it easier. I’d love to say that I choose to dress them differently, but that is all them. I have very little say in what these pair wear on a day to day basis believe me. They both hate having their hair brushed so tying it up is a rarity without World War Three kicking off.
I think the girls look so incredibly different; I know, I am their Mother so I am going to say that but as a whole I’d say the majority of people tend to agree and once they’ve asked which is which they usually tell with ease. But I know kids are going to struggle and I don’t want them to constantly be referred to as “the twins” as though that is their Christian name. Yes., They are twins. Yes they are genetically identical – but they are still individuals. It bugs me when they are given the same birthday card – would you send siblings a joint card or ask them to share a present? No! I have two daughters who happen to be born on the same day. But they are two separate people! I just wish people would realise this! (Ok. I’m sounding bratty here aren’t I?!)
This means I have such a dilemma come September. Do I put them in the same class or separate them? My heart says keep them together but my head is split in two. On the one hand, they are close friends and probably would want to stay together. But then I am torn that once they start school, they are going to make close friends meaning a class separation down the line is going to be harder as it wouldn’t just be splitting them up from their sister, but from other friends.
When I found out I was expecting identical twins, none of this stuff ever entered my head. It was all cute outfits and two of everything, yet as we grow we all are learning. I regret my decision to try to clone them but I completely respect others who choose to dress them the same. I am led by my kids but wish in a way that they wouldn’t change their mind everyday as to wanting to be together or not at school!!!
Today is Mothering Sunday. A day where you show your Mother how much she means to you – whether that be by breakfast in bed, a handmade card, a bunch of flowers or a simple thank you and I love you. But it can also be a bittersweet day for so many including myself. To those who have lost their Mothers, those who desperately want to be Mothers, those no longer with relationships with their Mothers.
Being a Mother has been the hardest yet rewarding title I’ve ever been given. From the moment you see a big cross on a pregnancy test, you take on this role and spend each day treading this new path on which you have no idea if you’re doing it right. Hoping that you are making the best decisions and not making a hash of it.
I have been a Mother, as such, for nine years with my eight & three month year old. He taught me everything I know but each day brings new challenges as he grows and at school we constantly enter new territory. I may have thrown my parenting knowledge book out the window when I had the girls, as not only twins but girls are a whole new ball game.
Being a Mother is a 24/7 job. Even when they aren’t with you, you’re constantly planning, thinking, worrying – there is no off button. Your babies shape and fork everything you do. All decisions are made around them and hopefully for their greater good.
Whilst being a Mother can be so hard, it too is simply amazing. Your heart bursts with pride when they first roll over, tell you they love you, bring home a handmade card, get a brilliant parents evening report. They call you and you alone “Mommy” and no matter what year we check off on the calendar, you’re never too old to want your Mom.
At 31, I still want my Mom. When I’ve had a bad day or exciting news, she’s always the one I want to tell – exactly the same as my 3 and 8 year olds feel. It’s something that’s ingrained in you from an early age that never goes away.
I don’t have the luxury to spoil my Mom on Mothers Day but I have my own little family that ease the chasm of grief is ever present. They make me laugh, make me happy and make me feel complete. Being a Mother is so much more than I ever could imagine. Today and every day.
In just over two month, my girls will be four. Four years of age. As school beckons, their independence is at an all time high wanting to do everything for themselves, yet we still can’t manage a whole night sleep.
With Charlie, it was a doddle. What can I say, the kid is a natural sleeper just like I was as a baby. We both love our kip and quite honestly need it otherwise we are incredibly grumpy. Throwing twins into the mix was always going to be crazy but almost four years down the line I never anticipated we would still be having issues. It’s incredibly rare that I ever wake up without a mini bed invader which more often than not is little P1. I’ve written before how people’s sympathy wanes when you are constantly moaning about your three year old not sleeping, opposed to the newborn days where people used to offer to help out a lot. I don’t drink coffee so most days I am completely and utterly winging it.
Last year we invested in a new bed. My husband has back troubles so he was looking at getting better support as he has a very physical job so a good mattress and bed is essential, whereas for me going from a double to a super king meant more space for the extra children that seem to creep into our bed!
So, what is the healthiest way to sleep?
If only she with the almost four year olds who don’t sleep knew eh?…Hopefully this video may help shed some light for us all.
I really should look more at the way I sleep and perhaps the way the girls sleep as their toddler beds are looking a little worse for wear. So whether it be a new bed for yourself, for your children or even an Adjustamatic beds for the elderly it really is crucial to make changes to our mattresses, pillows and sleeping position to get that much craved after good night sleep.
Disclosure – this post is written in collaboration with Adjustable Beds
The past few weeks, everything slowly seems to be falling into place around me. Having twins has always been hard. I don’t think you can ever explain it to someone who hasn’t got twins. I know that sounds really big headed; it’s not, it’s just a whole new kettle of fish. I think people imagine twins to be all cute matching outfits, two children acting the same all the time, basically your child – cloned. If only! At least then I’d know where I was, but as soon as I get the measure of where we are at, they decide to flip it on the head.
Other twin parents always tried to reassure me that one day, having twins will actually be easier than a singleton and these past few weeks it really does seem to have become dare I say, easier. The girls absolutely adore each other lately. They can’t get enough of one another. They are forever cuddling and stroking each other and generally being utterly adorable. They also seem to hae outgrown me and want to play together exclusively. They are crazy for Lion Guard at the moment so are often found making up Pride Rock related games whilst I watch from afar.
I have to admit, whilst it is amazing and life seems that wee bit easier, it is the dawning realisation of how grown up my girls are getting. Each day, they gain that little bit more independence. At nursery, they’ve started spending more time with the older reception class and in doing this I know it will make the transition to school so much easier, I can’t help but feel a pang of sadness.
It’s so selfish and so many people think I am about to step into the ultimate dream world of being a stay at home parent – with no children at home, but I am worried. Worried how I will fill my days. I took voluntary redundancy whilst on maternity leave so have never known what it’s like not to work, as I always had children at home to keep me occupied.
I am in awe of the twin bond and seeing how much they currently are infatuated with each other. But it doesn’t take much for a squabble to break the harmony and make me realise that despite this unspoken magical bond, they can still fight like cat and dog!