Three and a half. What a wonderful age. They are old enough to know what’s going on and interact. They’re out of nappies and whilst testing their independence, there’s nothing like running back to Mom and Dad. Days out are easier as you’re not loaded down with a changing bag and the kitchen sink to keep them occupied. Life on a whole seems that little bit easier. Unless you have a three year old diva.
November is upon us already and immediately our thoughts turn to Christmas and the New Year. The countdown is on and before we know it we will be in 2017. 2017 is going to be a big year for us. The biggest so far. My babies will be off to start school.
I know it’s 10 months away and this post seems somewhat premature, but I am getting more and more pangs of guilt as starting school creeps towards us. In truth? I wonder if I have wasted our time together. I have been so lucky that I took redundancy when the girls were just three months old, so they have never had to share me. They’ve never had to wave me off of a morning and wait for me to return of the evening like their big brother did. They have had me 24/7 and I have often pondered if this is a good or bad thing?
As soon as you pee in your hand that little white stick and the word PREGNANT pops up, your whole life is about to change. As you wave a pee soaked stick around screaming, the enormity of what is about to happen really isn’t top of the list, as your brain goes into overdrive about due dates, pushchairs, maternity leave, the gender, if it’ll inherit it’s Dads big nose… What you don’t bargain for is five years down the line when your stood on the playground and you yourself feel like you’re back at school. Gulp.
The school playground is a daunting place whether you’re 5 or 35. It instantly brings back all the feelings you experienced as a kid as you stand holding hands with your little mini me. Not knowing anyone is a scary thought, even so as an adult. September is a period new-ness and where everyone is adjusting and getting to grips with our new surroundings. New faces, new routines; sometimes you just want a familiar face to make it all OK. Step forward your new friends for the foreseeable.
We all need Mom mates.
I’m not going to lie, the school holidays have taken it out of me. With a trip to Disney in the coming months, it’s meant we aren’t going away nor do we have masses of extra cash to be able to spend on days out. My husband has been working away all week too which has been an added pressure of three bored kids.
I have struggled.
I know that with every part of me that I shouldn’t wish the holidays away. I should enjoy and appreciate every moment as with the girls starting nursery every afternoon, our time is going to become more limited with three hours a day to be spent at nursery. But sometimes, it’s easy to say how you should be treasuring it, than actually living it.
In short, my house is an absolute pigsty. Not only that, but so is the garden. The kids constantly moan they’re bored or start bickering and fighting. It’s wearing and hard when you know they’re bored but aren’t able to provide entertainment 24/7. I do try. But sometimes no matter what I do, it’s never good enough. I’ve been reluctant to blog as I feel so negative and who wants to read such miserable updates?
Yesterday started with my desperately trying to scrub bright pink nail varnish out of my sons carpet my daughter had lovingly smeared all over herself and nightdress. This was done whilst I was having to strip a bed as someone had had an accident during the night. Stained carpets and soggy bedsheets – all this before 6.30am never prepares you for a good day does it?
Yesterday – I was an awful Mother.
I shouted too much. I lost my temper too much. I wished I was anywhere but at home. We went out – I got stressed and left way too early. I was an awful Mother.
I spent too much time clock watching and tatting about on my phone. The rain kept us inside and all cooped up,but I had no energy to try to make another adventure after our day out ended at 2pm.