Potty Training – The Truth

We are a week in and I’ve survived, just about. My house stinks, I’ve bleached the hell out of numerous potties, gone through about 50 packets of wipes and toilet rolls and lost count of the times I’ve steam mopped the floors but we are getting there. Slowly but surely.

Potty training and chicken pox are my parenting  arch nemesis’s. Give me sleepless nights, stinky nappies and teething any day – pots and pox send shivers down my spine. But with the girls third birthday rapidly approaching I decided it was about time we got the ball rolling.

Charlie was easy as pie to potty train. He was sorted within a week and nights quickly followed – simple, magic touch eh? WRONG. How very very wrong.


In the space of seven days here is my summary so far:

  • Two year olds wee A LOT. Don’t be fooled by absorbent nappies, kids pee for England. Give them a cup of squash and you’ll be leaping up like a crazed woman every 48 seconds to catch the never ending river of wee.
  • You can derobe and stick a child on a nearby potty in approximately 2.5 seconds no matter where in the house you are. Ninja skills are well and truly on high alert around toileting.
  • You need candles/air freshener/perfume. Prepare for your house to permeate “eau de piss” which will waft under any poor sods nostrils who dare to darken your door during this difficult period. Believe me, you can mop the hell out of any areas that have become puddles but it lingers.
  • Prepare to ask your kids on average three times every minute of every day “do you need a wee wee?” Thus driving yourself INSANE. Oh and no matter how many times you ask – they still will probably wet themselves just as you finish your sentence.
  • Even if you’ve potty trained before don’t think that will help you. Yes my previous experience counts for jack when twins are involved. There will pretty much be constant potty action from the second you wake up with one hovering.
  • Once they figure out they can use toilet roll prepare to become bankrupt. Toilet roll previously was a GREAT thing to play with but they were told “only  when you go on the big toilet” and now they are? Free for feckin all! Even the bleeding Andrex puppy would be disgusted at the amount of bog roll we are getting through with phantom wees that are definitely not just to get their hands on glorious toilet paper…
  • My hair is a shade greyer than it was a week ago.
  • Your washing machine goes into overdrive as it turns out 20 pairs of knickers aren’t enough for twins…Sigh.
  • You think sh*tty nappies are bad? Try scrubbing a potty clean post humongous dump (seriously how does such a monster come out of someone so small?!) without heaving. I dare you.

So all in all – lots of festive Easter fun! I am slowly losing the plot but we are making progress. And no one has yet pooed on my floor which I see as a small victory. I’m off for a gin and a cry before waking up to do it ALL again tomorrow. Well, they don’t say you’re going “potty” for nothing…

B xx

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11 Comments

  1. Well this will be me next! I didn’t really have this with Sam as I left him so long he kind of got it by the time he was out of nappies! Flo however is already taking her nappy off and declaring she doesn’t need it, but she clearly does!!! Good luck! X

  2. Oh no!! I left training my son until just after he turned three and to be honest, it was fine as he got it really quickly and went straight for the toilet so no cleaning out the potty. My daughter was harder and I was heavily pregnant training her so mopping up wee after wee brings back memories that make me shudder! My son also wears joggers which soak up the wee well so it doesn’t hit the floor – try that! Best of luck, hope the girls get there soon x Thanks for sharing with #WotW
    The Reading Residence recently posted…Word of the Week 1/4/16My Profile

  3. Oh *hugs* I really feel your pain. Fingers crossed the girlies get the hang of it really quickly, and start using the toilet really soon so that you don’t have to clean those potties out again. I hated cleaning out Holly’s potty it was indeed gag material. Xx #WotW
    Mommy’s Little Princesses recently posted…Potteric CarrMy Profile

  4. Hi Beth, this did make me laugh and I am so glad my potty training days are over. I was quite lucky when I taught our two, as in the summer we don’t have carpets down and it gets so hot that the children were pretty much naked most of the time when at home, so if there was an accident it was easy to clean up.

    I do remember my daughter not wanting to use the potty and just wanting to go straight to using the toilet, which suited us fine (we did have to get a child sized seat so she didn’t disappear into the bowl!).

    I hope that it’s not too long before your little one is toilet trained. Until then took up on the gin.

    xx
    Debbie recently posted…Walk, Walk, Walk, Walk, WalkMy Profile

  5. It’s all good fun isn’t it.. we got Madam sorted pretty quickly to be fair to her, once we got started. She’s nearly nine and still not above having accidents..but that’s her. I’m sure once your two are sorted they will be fine 🙂

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