Friday was the girls second nursery session. We had more tears from P1 but in all honesty I think I dragged it out saying goodbye to them instead of leaving them to go off and play. P2 looked embarrassed by her crying which is how I thought it’d be all along but they were both absolutely fine and she quickly calms down once I’ve left.
As we had my cousins wedding to attend on Saturday, I had booked to have my nails done and eyebrows waxed a few months back before I’d put the girls in nursery so when the mobile beautician came we went and sat in the kitchen at the table like adults! I’ve had the same lady come and do my eyebrows at home for the past four years and never once have I ever had a child free house.
As we were chatting, I realised I last had my nails done in June – nine months previous. Before having the girls, I used to get my nails done every few weeks. Nails were my thing and shellac was my best buddy but with a son at nursery and a job that had flexitime I easily slotted it all in. But two babies is a whole new kettle of fish. At the start of the year, I made a vow to myself to do something about “myself” I was overweight and incredibly unhappy. I had let myself go so much and it really was getting me down. Since making this vow, I’ve joined Slimming World, started exercising and even had my hair cut which I am terrible at getting done.
My children are growing. Growing far too fast but I can’t stop this. Come September I’m going to be a little lost as my three hours on a Friday without them will become three hours every day. I’ve lost my identity; known as Charlie’s Mom or the one with the twins. I am most happiest with this title however I need to do something for me. I need to learn how to become me again. This post sounds a tad philosophical and that I’m “discovering myself with a rebirth” No. I just need to remember what it’s like to be just me. Not needed as much by little people and realise without feeling guilty that I can be a little self indulgent. I can have adult conversations again (oh shit!) and it’s ok to be a tiny bit vain.
I need to stop clinging on and realise they are growing and getting a little bit more independent – and that’s ok. I can’t hit the rewind or pause button no matter how hard I wish it. I need to enjoy time to myself – and probably get a hobby!