When it comes to tidying for me it’s all or nothing. Last Thursday I decided to throw away a box that has been lurking in the living room since January or so. Me being me – a kind of all of nothing when it comes to tidying – one small box turned into gutting the living room and opening the dreaded “cupboard under the stairs”. When I opened this cupboard I was greeted by this:
The predominance of the cupboard contents were baby items that I shoved in there because I refused to face the fact that *wail* my girls aren’t babies anymore. And along with this, there are going to be no more babies in this house. *even massiver wail* And I’m not sure how Ok with that I am.
Yes I realise that I am in an incredibly fortunate position that I am able to pick and choose how many children I have; it’s not my intention to pee anyone off spouting about fertility. I have so many wonderful twitter pals that aren’t in that position so I know I may sound a tad self indulgent as I have three wonderful children and our family unit is complete, but I can’t help but feel incredibly sad.
We had always wanted three kids, so find out they were twins was a big shock and wonderful gift and I thank my lucky stars every day that I got a bonus baby but in my crazy broody head I had it all planned.
Baby number 2 would be a honeymoon baby and then baby number 3 would probably have been conceived around Christmas 2015 so that they would be born at the time where baby number 2 as starting nursery. But hey my girls had other plans and the schedule went to pot.
As I was filling my living room with unmanageable amounts of rubbish and tat hat had been piled under the stairs, I came to our jumperoo. Ah the magical rainforest jumperoo! It was the only item that I had for Charlie that I was adamant I wanted for the girls. It was for me a staple item and my god was I right. The girls positively adored the jumperoo; we used to have tears and tantrums when one had to wait to have a turn. We have endless videos of them bouncing like loons, giggling at the yellow monkey (what was it about that monkey?!) and even P1 falling asleep mid bounce and continuing to bounce whilst asleep.
It is pretty awesome to look back at various shots of them in there as it documents how they grew with it. I then have a very empty photo when we dismantled the jumperoo and my living room felt like a huge vast space. But when they girls had enough it was packed away like last time with Charlie to be ready and waiting. But this time it was packed away and was now ready and waiting to be sold.
So after a year(!!!!) being left under the stairs I faced my fear and hauled the jumperoo out. Before I knew it I had put it up for sale and a lady was coming to look at it. Of course she bought it instantly – who wouldn’t they, are ace!
It sounds ridiculous but I felt so incredibly sad that my husband had to give me a bear hug as I closed the door as it as it all was a bit much.
It has dawned on me the days since “the dreaded sale” that this time next year we will be on the countdown to NURSERY. My girls won’t even be 3 and we will be sorting out their school nursery place. My heart drops as I type that. How is this happening? What will I do? I keep being asked as I keep going on about the fact MY GIRLS WILL BE STARTING NURSERY NEXT YEAR
“will you get a job?”
Please can someone tell me what to say to fill the awkward silence as the utter dismay that is plastered across my face after they ask!!