I can’t ever remember having a bad Christmas. I was incredibly lucky growing up that I have nothing but extremely happy memories and despite my sister waking us all up at 3.30-4am every year my parents would let us get up and open all our amazing presents; the house seemed to buzz with sheer joy and happiness.
As the years went on the same house (my parents) was replaced with extra joy in the shape of a little Charlie. The same beaming smiles this time all for him. But this year there will be one less smile. And a whole lot of tears.
Christmas – the most wonderful time of the year; but not now. Not when you have to face the painful reality that a loved one is no longer there. All the traditions you once had and looked forward to for the whole year are not going to happen. Not this year. Not ever.
Writing and receiving cards without her name on. Everyone sat round the table when the centre of the family is no longer with us.
She loved Christmas. She made it something that we all adore. She sorted all the presents, all the decorations, all the fun. Now we face this year without her. The first of forever.
I will make Christmas perfect for my children as mine all were but it will never be the same. Never.