I have found myself lately looking, staring and then glaring at random people in the street. The longer I look the angrier, jealous, sad and upset I get. I can’t help but have these irrational feelings but I’ve found I am getting them more and more frequently. You may think I’m being superficial and staring longingly at their pretty shoes or designer jacket. Nope. I’m staring because it’s people walking along the streets perfectly innocently with their Moms.
It’s a dagger through the heart to know I’ll never get to do it again. Seeing people laughing and joking together. Perusing the shops without a care in the world. A simple regular thing to be doing, some even find it tasking yet I would do absolutely anything to have a mundane food shop with my Mom. A quick coffee and a catch up. Something so small but these are the things that sting the most. Pierce your heart knowing that every single day I will spend here, I will never have that opportunity to send a quick message or ring to ask a ridiculous question.
I saw a lady in about her 50s muttering under her breath about her elderly mother taking too long to get out of the car. Something I undoubtedly have done in the past yet I wanted to shake her and tell her not to rush her. Don’t will away the time you have.
I will never have an “elderly” mother to care for. My babies will never have a Granny to stomp off to when I’ve told then off. I no longer have a Mommy to tell me everything will be ok.
It’s only been 4 months since she passed away but it’s not easing. I miss her more now than ever. Seeing people posting photos of their kids with their Granny’s is heartbreaking. I am so jealous of anyone who has their Mom and whose children will grow up with their Granny’s.
Next time you can’t be bothered to ring your Mom or put off meeting up for a coffee – don’t. Make the effort. You only get one Mom and when she’s not here you will feel like your heart has shattered.
I miss you so so so much. So much.