I saw a twin Mom I know from school at the weekend. She was asking about what we had gotten up to in the holidays and I said we had been away and she said the line that really got me thinking “how did you find it taking the twins away?”
I guess I never second think going out for days and going away. When the girls were just over 8 weeks old we gave ourselves 24 hours notice and booked a holiday down in Cornwall (4 hours away) not giving it a thought of the practicalities and difficulties it may pose. It turns out we had a lovely time and despite a twin travel system on the beach (I know – massive fail!) everything else went pretty smoothly. A month later again, we went and stayed over at the LEGOLAND Hotel with 3 month old babies – what’s the big fuss?!
People often used to tell me when my P’s were tiny babies feeding every 3 hours that the sleepless nights and endless nappy changes would soon be over – but I always met them with “I don’t want it to!” Not because I love tiny dinky babies – it’s because I quite weirdly found this stage the easiest! Also, Having had Charlie, I know what’s in store!
When they are tiny, you put them down – they stay there. You put them in the pram – they don’t resist. When you strap them into it – they don’t suddenly turn into an ironing board and will not bend to aid you putting them into the car seats. And wonderfully – they don’t try to climb/run/fly!
From day 1 – I have struggled to accept help from anyone except my husband. Even after my C-section, I still pottered about and did bits and bobs. I hate having to ask people to help out. It was different with my own Mom but she became ill shortly after having the girls so I quickly became very independent and if I wanted to do something – I’d be taking the clan with me no matter how big or small.
I am slowly coming to the realisation that despite the obvious – having twins may mean I cannot do everything I want to. And I must admit being quite strong-willed that this does upset me a little. I was finding baby groups were starting to get a little bit more difficult. I simply cannot be in two places at once. I’m unable stop P1 trampling over a tiny baby whilst simultaneously catching P2 from launching herself off the nearest chair. And then there’s swimming. WHY do all new Moms always suggest playdates swimming?
A) I do not look good in a swimming costume
B) I physically cannot do it. A lot of pools do not allow more than a 1-1 ratio of adults to babies. However, there is one locally that allows 1 adult to 2 children. Sounds great – no. Changing one baby is hard. Add changing yourself and a slippery squirming baby into the equation. Difficult yes? Well, add yet another baby into it! It’s nigh on impossible.
On holiday when we did go swimming, it was me & my husband with the 3 kids in the changing room. Luckily Charlie is older so can sort himself out to a degree but it was hectic. I genuinely cannot imagine having to do it alone with two walking/crawling/crazy babies.
I do not want to have to admit that there are things that I can’t do. I relish the challenge of twins and all the craziness that comes with it. It’s so rewarding knowing that Charlie was never late for school once and as a whole I haven’t been found rocking in a corner with two screaming babies and a wayward 5 year old.
However, my utter pet hate is when people try to compete. I have had a single child and now twins and believe me – there is no point in trying to compete! Nor looking down your nose as I try run to whichever child poses the most immediate danger. Nor do you need to look on whilst I scoop up two babies in my arms and carry them – it’s not a circus act!!
Not only are all children different but twins is a whole new ball game! Yes you may have children close together – but it’s not the same! I wish I knew more twin Moms as this lady really reassured me and one of the striking things she said was – I wish someone had told us that it’s not always hard and it gets easier!
I definitely think we are entering our most difficult and challenging stage (I can’t even begin to think about teenage years!) and I think I need to try to take my stubborn hat off and realise – I can’t do it all. Twins are hard work. They are so different personality wise already and definitely have their own minds and I need to start accepting a bit more help (Although as I type this – I know I won’t!)
It’s like an unwritten Mom code – you need to be supermom. Do not complain – treasure it all. Yes I think I am quite positive most of the time however it’s OK to say it’s hard! You are no less of a Mom to admit that you have days where you literally would love to hide under the duvet and cry but you don’t. You get on with it and hope you make it to the end of the day!
I am starting to see there may be something in the phrase – double trouble! But how can you be grumpy when you get a big grin or a belly laugh from 13.5 month old twins & a rather diva-ish 5 year old!? I think I may keep them a bit longer…we will see!!
Silence is golden as they say….!